Head Chirps

There are a couple of excruciatingly annoying birds outside of my window right now, and I can't sleep. If I shut the window, it will be much quieter, but also much hotter in my room, causing me to stay awake. If I leave the window open, it will be cooler, but the birds will continue to rattle my brain. Plus on top of that it's one of those nights where my mind decides to think about everything, thus making it impossible for me to actually fall asleep.

But on the bright side, I have no plans or work tomorrow, so it's not really like I have anything to be really awake for. So now, here I am, spilling my written brains all over this clean, empty post.

Summer school starts tomorrow (or rather, today) and I have yet to receive my textbook. Of course I only ordered it the other day; leave it to me to wait until the last minute to discover the solid starting date for me summer class. I hope the class goes well. It's the first online class I have ever taken, and I know I am going to have to push myself to be disciplined enough to read when I have the time before doing other things. I know it will be good for me.

That brings me to the topic of where I want to transfer to. My main choice is still Davis, but I just can't seem to find any solid confidence that I will even get into the school. My first semester in college earned me an A, B, and two C's. I know I got at least one more C this last semester. That only puts my gpa at around a 2.9-3.2, and since schools are starting to look at everything for incoming students, including transfers, it makes me worried that I will even get accepted into Davis. Which means I must find suitable schools to fall back on in case I don't make it. But where to go? I don't really want to go down south, but the only places I would want to go to school besides Davis are all down there. I guess Sac state could work, although it wasn't my favorite school in the first place. SFSU would work, especially studying psychology, but I don't know if I could picture myself living in San Francisco. I love visiting the city, but I'm not too sure on how I would like living there. But where else do I go? I know Santa Barbara, San Diego, and Irvine would all be great schools in great cities, but they are all down south.

It really is quite confusing. I know my family and a few other people would not be so happy about my going down south. Maybe I'll just need to work extra hard to not get any more C's so that I won't have to worry so much about getting into Davis.

Worry, worry, worry. It's a big problem for me; it always has been. I've been getting a lot better with giving my worries to God and voicing that no matter what it means for me, I want His will done in my life. But sometimes the worry still gets to me. Of course it's a life long process, being able to fully give whatever future one may have over to God. And life long means that I will never be as far along as I would like in my faith. But I simply have to keep pushing.

Dive into a holy river and wash away my sins

I've had a hardcore song stuck in my head all day. Weird, I would say.

Despite none of my teachers from last semester bothering to use blackboard, I was able to figure out my statistics grade by shooting a quick email to my instructor. I already knew I didn't do well on the final, so it wasn't much of a surprise to me to see that I totally failed it. What got me was my grade in the class overall, which was a 68%. Luckily, my teacher's grading scale labels a C as anywhere from 77 to 66%. I got a low C.

Now, I have never been good at math. Actually, I take that back, I was good at math in fourth grade. You now, when 4 x 5 = 20? That kind of stuff. I have never nor do I believe I will ever be "good" at math; I will always just scrape by. And I am fine with that, as long as it allows me to get where I need to go ok.

The part about this grade that kills me is the fact that it looks bad. A low C looks like you, as the student, didn't really care about the class. Like you just did the homework when you could, didn't bother to look at the practice exams, and just goofed off in class. That wasn't me. This class was so important to me and I put so much work into getting every homework assignment done, doing all of the practice exams at least a few times, and taking the time outside of class to get together with classmates and study for hours.

And yet I got a low C. . . it irks me a bit. But if such a pitiful representation of all my hard work helps to gain myself access into a bigger and better school, then I'll take it. I'll take it using a pre-sanitized washcloth, of course, but I'll take it.

Melting time like Dali

It's funny looking back at my earlier posts since I started this blog. I really have no direction for this thing. I open up the new post tab, and whatever I feel at the moment just comes spilling out. I tend to have really long posts because of this, so I'm going to try and keep this one short. Maybe I should try and find something to achieve with this blog? Or maybe it's fine just being the cerebral pot in which my mind spews whatever comes out?

That was a really gross analogy.

But looking back, it's curious how time works. I feel so much older than I did nine months ago, but at the same time, I don't feel very old now. I still feel like I'm really young and have so much more to learn than the usual person my age. Of course, I felt very old at the end of senior year, so it beats me as to why my maturity compass seems to be way off.

All I know is that so much can change in the course of a year, it's ridiculous. I must remind myself to never forget that.

Thursday I sign up for summer and fall classes. If I had been lucky and/or smart and had gotten a higher priority number, I wouldn't have to wait until thursday to register, and if that was the case, I also wouldn't be worrying about not getting the classes I want for this next semester. Pray it all goes well!