Dive into a holy river and wash away my sins

I've had a hardcore song stuck in my head all day. Weird, I would say.

Despite none of my teachers from last semester bothering to use blackboard, I was able to figure out my statistics grade by shooting a quick email to my instructor. I already knew I didn't do well on the final, so it wasn't much of a surprise to me to see that I totally failed it. What got me was my grade in the class overall, which was a 68%. Luckily, my teacher's grading scale labels a C as anywhere from 77 to 66%. I got a low C.

Now, I have never been good at math. Actually, I take that back, I was good at math in fourth grade. You now, when 4 x 5 = 20? That kind of stuff. I have never nor do I believe I will ever be "good" at math; I will always just scrape by. And I am fine with that, as long as it allows me to get where I need to go ok.

The part about this grade that kills me is the fact that it looks bad. A low C looks like you, as the student, didn't really care about the class. Like you just did the homework when you could, didn't bother to look at the practice exams, and just goofed off in class. That wasn't me. This class was so important to me and I put so much work into getting every homework assignment done, doing all of the practice exams at least a few times, and taking the time outside of class to get together with classmates and study for hours.

And yet I got a low C. . . it irks me a bit. But if such a pitiful representation of all my hard work helps to gain myself access into a bigger and better school, then I'll take it. I'll take it using a pre-sanitized washcloth, of course, but I'll take it.

Shipwrecked

I hate this. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, but there really is no other choice. And if it helps in the long run, then it's worth it. But as of now, this is no fun.

"Often times, though, you get thrown so hard by these sudden changes that it seems it will be much too hard to recover."

I guess I knew what I was talking about when I said this.

I can almost see you.

Summer is just around the corner! I finished my first final today, which just makes me that much more anxious about the ones I have coming up. But if I can just power through all of the work and get them done, I will be done with my first year of college!

Strange that my first year is already almost done. It turned out a lot different than I thought it would, and that means I only have one more year left of junior college before I attempt to transfer to a bigger school and see how I fare there. It'll be a scary time, I know that, but not really scary in a bad way, if that makes sense. Just a lot different than what I've become used to the past two years. I think my only fear is staying involved, because that's when I have the most fun, is when I feel that I'm a part of something.

But before all of that, I have summer! I have a lot of expectations for this summer, and I'm just hoping they all come through in a good way. I plan on going to Disneyland with my family, which I always love doing. Then I have Vegas with my girlfriend's family, which will be so much fun! I get excited just thinking about it. Possibly a camping trip with a bunch of friends. Of course the regular school and work, but hopefully those will also play out in my favor.

I just want a good summer where I grow as a person. I think last summer let me down in many ways, but maybe this time around I will actually be able to say that I enjoyed the few months of fun before starting all the work again. But I think in order for me to really enjoy summer, I will need to work at things, and maybe try things a bit differently than usual. I just have to remember that I am my own person, and that I need to be my own person. If I can just remind myself of that, I think it will improve many aspects of my life, including the ones I've been struggling in over the past few months.

Finally. . . let's count how many times I said the word "summer" in this whole post.

Melting time like Dali

It's funny looking back at my earlier posts since I started this blog. I really have no direction for this thing. I open up the new post tab, and whatever I feel at the moment just comes spilling out. I tend to have really long posts because of this, so I'm going to try and keep this one short. Maybe I should try and find something to achieve with this blog? Or maybe it's fine just being the cerebral pot in which my mind spews whatever comes out?

That was a really gross analogy.

But looking back, it's curious how time works. I feel so much older than I did nine months ago, but at the same time, I don't feel very old now. I still feel like I'm really young and have so much more to learn than the usual person my age. Of course, I felt very old at the end of senior year, so it beats me as to why my maturity compass seems to be way off.

All I know is that so much can change in the course of a year, it's ridiculous. I must remind myself to never forget that.

Thursday I sign up for summer and fall classes. If I had been lucky and/or smart and had gotten a higher priority number, I wouldn't have to wait until thursday to register, and if that was the case, I also wouldn't be worrying about not getting the classes I want for this next semester. Pray it all goes well!