I can almost see you.

Summer is just around the corner! I finished my first final today, which just makes me that much more anxious about the ones I have coming up. But if I can just power through all of the work and get them done, I will be done with my first year of college!

Strange that my first year is already almost done. It turned out a lot different than I thought it would, and that means I only have one more year left of junior college before I attempt to transfer to a bigger school and see how I fare there. It'll be a scary time, I know that, but not really scary in a bad way, if that makes sense. Just a lot different than what I've become used to the past two years. I think my only fear is staying involved, because that's when I have the most fun, is when I feel that I'm a part of something.

But before all of that, I have summer! I have a lot of expectations for this summer, and I'm just hoping they all come through in a good way. I plan on going to Disneyland with my family, which I always love doing. Then I have Vegas with my girlfriend's family, which will be so much fun! I get excited just thinking about it. Possibly a camping trip with a bunch of friends. Of course the regular school and work, but hopefully those will also play out in my favor.

I just want a good summer where I grow as a person. I think last summer let me down in many ways, but maybe this time around I will actually be able to say that I enjoyed the few months of fun before starting all the work again. But I think in order for me to really enjoy summer, I will need to work at things, and maybe try things a bit differently than usual. I just have to remember that I am my own person, and that I need to be my own person. If I can just remind myself of that, I think it will improve many aspects of my life, including the ones I've been struggling in over the past few months.

Finally. . . let's count how many times I said the word "summer" in this whole post.

Make it long, make it last, make it cruel, just make me laugh.

The Pryzstowski Open was scheduled to hold its first game of the season today, but was canceled due to violent windstorms in the central valley area. So instead of playing tennis, the players decided to just go take a walk and chat.

And you know, I can safely say that one of the things I appreciate most in life is just simply walking with a good friend and talking about things that make us laugh.

I mean, it was everything from canine tactics when guarding territory to the Sham-Wow guy selling magazines in jail to that pink mustang and its driver that always seems to mug me when we play tennis. We just laughed about stupid stuff, and that's one of the greatest joys for me. I just love to laugh. I don't really see how I could get through life without laughter. It's a way that I deal with things; instead of brooding about a rough day, I try my best to joke about it. Big problems seem much easier to handle when laughed at. Big problems have low self esteem.

Sometimes I feel like the things I'm laughing about are immature for my age. I take a look from the opposite side of the room at a group of guys my age, and they all look the same. Black hats and t-shirts, jeans and sneakers, it's become a stapled look. There's nothing wrong with that, but there seems to be this sense of somber maturity that goes along with that style. That it's fine to laugh at something, it just has to be mature enough. Of course, I don't know them personally, so I could be very wrong.

Then there's also the possibility that my immaturity is what gives me this view point of the rest of our generation, and maybe it's that naivety that I need to outgrow. But if maturing means not laughing as much, then I'm really in no hurry for September to come around.

I guess the fact of the matter is that I know people who are successful adults, yet laugh at everything. It can be done, and I want to be one of those people.

"I told you I was an actress, but then again, I also just told you that I always lie."

Tonight I saw two one act plays at Modesto Junior College. Both were good, and they made a good selection with picking one dramatic and one comedic. The comedic play was one about an American woman working for the government who visited a "Mexican Lot" looking to purchase a model of mexican in order to gain some professional color for a certain political dinner. It was interesting, and twist in the end was both entertaining and unexpected. It was also the first time I have ever really sat down and felt ashamed of being a white person watching the events that were happening. I felt like I should leave, because they were bashing both white Americans and Mexicans so hard, it was starting to get a little uncomfortable.

Even still, it was the dramatic play that really made me think. It was titled "The Dutchman", and I'm not sure if that was the pen name of the person who wrote it, or the actual title, because the playbill hinted at both. There are only two scenes and both take place on a subway train in New York. The only two characters that really matter in the play are a young black man named Clay and a young white woman named Lula.

Clay is just reading on the subway when Lula forcefully makes his acquaintance, and although striking both him and the audience as obviously insane, the two strike up conversation. Lula is an attractive young woman who gives off this air of suspense. You never really know what she is going to do and say next, leading to her being flirtatious and sweet one moment to being flat out rude and angry, yelling profanities and racial slurs at the same man she intends to sleep with. During these sudden outbreaks, white-masked passengers appear, disappear, and even gradually board the same train these two are on. Lula addresses them like she knows then, and even Clay, although disregarding then initially, strikes out at them during a rampage of his own that leads to him hitting Lula.

Now I don't want to go too much into what the two say to each other, because I wouldn't feel comfortable writing it down on a public blog, but let's just say the two end up hating, yelling, and even physically hitting each other so much that Lula eventually stabs Clay with a knife, killing him. She then orders the ghost like passengers to throw him off the train, and when they do, she tells them to get off on the next stop. Once she is alone in the train, another black man comes in and sits down, to whom Lula smiles, greets, and hints at the cycle repeating itself.

It was definitely a play about race, as the whole argument was about a few racial offensive words said here and there, but I'm still confused as to the whole relationship between the white-masked passengers and Lula. I don't even really understand why she was crazy. All I know is, once the lights came up, I looked at my friend who had come to the show with me and said "what just happened?"

In other words, it was an interesting show, to say the least.

Just hear those sleigh bells jingling.

It's not even december yet and I'm already singing Christmas songs! Today we put up the Christmas tree (after running to the storage place to grab our tree and find a lovely family of decaying birds waiting for us) and it completely got me in the mood for the season. I love Christmas time! Everything about it is great; I love spending time with my family, the movies are always great, it's cold outside, the fireplace is always on fire, and holiday jazz is just a great thing to listen to! I'm so excited for Christmas this year!

Speaking of holidays, Thanksgiving was very nice this year. We had round one with my Uncle John and my cousins in Stockton on Thanksgiving Day, and we had round two at my house with my grandparents today. It was really fantastic, and the food for both days was good, although I really appreciated the traditional food today. It was so nice to spend time with my family though.

I also have had a pretty good amount of time to spend with my friends this past week. It's been so nice being able to see all of my friends that I miss so much, and it's even better to know that I'll get to see them fairly soon during Christmas break, which will be about a month for most people. Anyway, I'm excited!

Now, this week, I basically just have a bunch of projects to do/turn in. It's going to be hectic, but if I can make it through the next month of work, including finals, then I'll have some much needed rest to look forward to.

I'm thankful for...

FRIENDS!! Haha, well I am, of course, but I'm mostly just excited that I get to see most of them soon! It's finally that Thanksgiving Break kind of time and a bunch of my friends are going to be periodically coming back to Tracy so that we all can be thankful. I got to see two of my friends today! One I don't know all that well, and one who I know very well (or at least I think I do) and have been missing greatly for the past few months. It was really nice to get to spend time with both of them and talk about Harry Potter.

Speaking of which, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I was AMAZING, to say the least, and I am so excited to see the next one! Yes, it's about 6 months away and yes, I'm impatient, but it's going to be so epic!

I was really glad that I got to see the movie with my sister. Anna and I joke around all the time and play video games together and such, but there's never really been anything that we both absolutely loved before. But ever since we both got hooked on Harry Potter, that has changed, and it's been really great to have something that we can both just ramble on and on about. Although it would help much more if she actually read the books so we could talk even more about it. Find time to read the books, Anna! I know school has you busy, but Harry Potter is more important than a measly middle school education!

Just kidding. Or am I?

Finally, I'm very excited to visit my uncle and cousins this coming up thursday! We live in Tracy, they live in Sacramento; that's about an hour away and yet we see them once a year, maybe. Sometimes we see them even less than that. I want to say the last time we saw each other was for christmas two years ago but I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm really excited to see them!

This week is going to be a good one, I can feel it.

Mr. Jones and me tell each other fairy tales

Over the past few days I've felt slightly out of the loop with my diminished circle of friends. Some of my friends I barely see, while others I see all the time, but when I do they always seem just so bleh, it's not really enjoyable. I guess that's what happens when everyone is busy, huh?

Well, I'm supposed to be going to Pismo in a few weeks with some friends, and I'm really looking forward to that, but my work hasn't let me know yet whether or not I'm going to have the time off. Please, work, let me know!

Well, nothing new has really been happening lately. It's almost Halloween, though! I like Halloween, but you know, I'm not really sure why. Let's take a look at some reasons why I confuse myself:

A) I hate scary movies, things that pop out at you, and all demons of the supernatural sort. They scare me.

B) Besides trick-or-treating and dressing up, most of the things kids do during Halloween really never interested me. I'm talking about egging cars, going around scaring little kids, or just plan fooling around.

C) Although I've worked in a couple haunted houses before, I'm not particularly scary, and I hate walking through haunted houses.

But yet, I love the time of the year Halloween falls on, I've always had good memories of Halloween, and I'm really into those cheesy Halloween specials/disney channel movies/tv shows, carving pumpkins, and giving out candy.

My family has never been into Halloween, mostly meaning my parents. The most decoration you'll get out of us is a few holey pumpkins and a scarecrow, and no one really ever dressed up, but yet I still have some vivid memories of Halloweens from my childhood.

One that I always seem to go back to has always stumped me as to why I even remember it. It had to be the most un-exciting Halloween ever, but for some reason I really enjoyed it. I don't remember how old I was, but I do remember that while my dad was helping out at the church Halloween/Harvest festival at the park, and my mom and sister were trick-or-treating, I was tasked with staying home and handing out candy. I basically sat in my family room (the one with the tv and my playstation two), and played RayMan 2 and watching those previously mentioned Halloween movies all night, all the while periodically running to and fro handing out candy to those who were actually participating in the festivities.

So I don't know what it is about Halloween, but I've always really enjoyed it. I hope this year will be a good one too! If I'm not working, that is lol!

Dear Friend of Mine,

Well, Stephanie, this is it. You are finally on your way out of California and in to Oregon to start the rest of your life. Are you excited? I know I am! It's actually funny; I'm excited for my friends to get to school and start making something of themselves. Weird, right?

I just wanted to say thank you, and what better place than here, on the blog that you inspired me to start? I know what you're thinking. Why not in person? The truth is, when I said goodbye to you at your house last night, I really wanted to say a really heart felt goodbye, but I felt like if I did, it would have been awkward, given our most recent "endeavor", if you will. I regret feeling that way, because I don't think I gave you the goodbye you deserved, so I'm doing the next best thing, and saying it here.

I have so much to thank you for. You have been such a great friend to me this past year, and I've enjoyed every second of the time I've spent with you! I'm always going to remember how during Romeo and Juliet, we would run to each other from opposite sides of the back-stage, curve our fingers into a hook, and do our very best impression of a pirate saying "Mercooootio!", while trying to be as quiet as we possibly could. Despite all of the inside jokes that I've made with my friends this past year, that had to be one of my favorite. Even if it didn't last as long as "Yeeaauugghh!!!".

That brings me to the next thing, Drama. Thank you for bringing me into Drama. I went to almost every show of the first 3 years of high school, and every time I saw a show I thought that it would be so cool to act like they could. So when it came time to pick for classes, I finally decided that I would put Drama in there. I didn't make the decision on my own, as I vaguely remember asking you about how you liked drama Junior year. You said something along the lines of it being the best thing in the world, and I knew I had to try it. Even more, when it came time for the first show that we could audition for last year, you pushed me to audition, and I did and almost had a heart attack there in front of Lish. But I got the part and after the show was over, I knew I loved acting, and all of it was thanks to you. So thank you.

I also thought blogs were lame and uncool until I saw the sort of things you posted on them. It was all stuff about, well, anything you wanted. You could say your mind to whoever you wanted, and although it was public, at the same time, you could use your writing style and code words to make it so only those who really knew about the situation would know what you were talking about. But it was also a good way to reflect on life, and I needed that, so in the end, you inspired me to start one, and now I'm using it to thank you for doing so.

There's so much more I can thank you for, but I don't think it needs to be said here, because I'm sure you already know. Oregon is going to be amazing for you, and although you said you don't need my help deciding whether or not you will have a good time, you were doubting only a little while ago, so here's to reinforcement. This is the start of the rest of your life, and I've no doubt that I will see your name somewhere in the future, whether in print or in lights.

I've also no doubt that we will see each other again soon. I mean, obviously, because of thanksgiving breaks and such, but I'm talking about in the future. I took to heart what you said, and I'm trying to let things go. I believe I am actually making some progress, as the thought of my friends gone doesn't even make me sad anymore, but hopeful. I've moved from missing those great friends that have gone on to different things, to being thankful that I even had a chance to be their friend in the first place.

Anyway, I think I've rambled on enough, don't you think? I love you Stephanie, and I'll miss you very much, but I'm excited for the things you are going to do in your life. This isn't goodbye, this is "see you soon"

:)

Like a spare button.

It's funny how we work. How someone can say something to you and it makes you really upset. Then they say it to you again later on and you sort of just nod your head and say "yeah, I know exactly what you mean". It's even funnier when someone says something to you that doesn't make you upset at all, but makes you think, and then once you do think about it, you realize that it would have made you upset if they had said it any earlier. And that their timing couldn't have been better. So good job on the timing, and you're welcome, although I don't really feel like I deserved thanks in the first place.

Well my birthday was quite fun. I had expected it to be a fairly boring day, but it was actually really, really nice! I got to have a great lunch with my mom and sister (my dad was working at the bean festival, so he couldn't come), work a very short shift, and then spend some more time with my family and some friends. I'm really glad they celebrated with me, and I want to thank them, because even though I didn't do anything very exciting for my 18th birthday, it was nice to see them. Plus, my sister bought me Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep, so I've been freaking nerding it up for the past few days. Thank you Anna! AAAHHHH!!! :D

I look forward to the rest of this week, and soon some more of my friends will be leaving for college. These two will be the last, and I'll be sad to see them go, because they've both been really amazing friends since I've met them. But I'm very excited for them, and I'm sure I'll be able to spend some time with them before they head off to marvel the world.

Hope dangles on a string like slow-spinning redemption.

Today is my birthday :) 18 years ago, today, I was being birthed (lol) in a hospital of which the name escapes me, in the city of San Jose. Yup, finally 18 years old. It really doesn't feel any different from 17, or 16 for that matter, but I'm glad that I've been fortunate enough to see the day that I become an adult.

It's funny how things change, and how when we try to imagine where we will be in the future, we are usually fairly far from the truth. On this day, last year, you would have seen me sitting on a bench outside of Olive Garden talking with my grandfather about my audition for the upcoming Tracy High show Romeo and Juliet, and how nervous I was. He told me not to worry, and that if anyone would be picked for the play, it would be me. Guess who was right?

I was at my work today and as I was pulling in carts from the fairly spacious parking lot, I thought about where I would've have been 6 months ago, a year ago, 2 years ago, elementary school, but I also thought about where I will be in the future. In a year, I see myself still at Las Positas, still trying to shove that G. E. out of the way. In two years time, I see myself at a four year college, maybe somewhere down south, learning about the mind and why people do what they do, with new faces, new places, and new experiences.

Who knows? Maybe my ideal future is totally off from what it will be? Maybe it's spot on? All I know is that I'm slowly learning that the future is where to look, and I'm very hopeful about my future.

Let's make this year a good one. In fact, let's make it better than last year. It's gonna be hard to top, but I know we can do it. What do you say?

Oh I imagine things. Why does this speak to me?

Yesterday I had the chance to finally go visit some of my friends at their college/home of choice, University of the Pacific. I've heard a lot about the school and how much they enjoy it, so I was really excited to finally be able to go take a look at the campus.

I fell in love with it. The architecture of the buildings and the trees are simply beautiful! It really is the way I think a college should look, or in other words, my ideal look for college. It's a really nice campus, and I'd love to go there, but it's really a matter of tuition. Because it's a private school, the tuition and housing together is ridiculous, and although I know I shouldn't rule out a school because of the money, it just tends to be a deciding factor, whether or not I want it to be.

Still, while I continue to look at other colleges and do research about where to go in my future, I'll keep UOP in mind, just in case.

Speaking of other colleges, where do I want to check out? UC Santa Barbara for sure, but I have to check out more than that. Santa Clara maybe? I hear it's beautiful over there too. Maybe Irvine? But what about schools that aren't necessarily down south? Northern schools are an option, but I really don't know about very many northern schools.

Research, research, research. That's what I need to do.

This one's 'bout a dream I had last night.

I woke up today in a very joyous mood. I had the strangest dream last night that involved San Diego, a huge storm, and a girl named Clara, and when I woke up I was actually happy. I found this strange, coupled with the fact that I remembered the dream so clearly, so I decided to write it all down before I forgot it, so I could go back and look at the different parts of it. It ended up being two pages typed after I had summarized it, and I put it away in a safe place so that I could read it again when I had time.

I also received a very wise piece of advice from a friend this morning. I think letting go of my friends has been the biggest problem for me, but that advice I got from her has kinda helped me to step back and say, "You're right. I have been foolish about the whole situation and I need to let go." I just wanted to thank you for that advice, because I totally agree with you, and I took everything you said to heart.

Today has turned out to be really nice so far. I think today is going to be a good day. :)

Dark is the way, light is a place.

Uhhmm, well I'm not really sure how I feel tonight. I'm extremely tired from today. Basically constant running around from 12:30 to 9:00, although I really should stop complaining. One of my closest friends has been acting really weird to me lately, and tonight she finally talked to me about it. I think we got somewhere, and I really like that we are trying to reconcile, but I still just feel sort of uneasy. I feel like if I try to act normal, like she wants me to, I'm just going to say something to make her upset again, and we will be right back to where we started.

I guess I'm just frustrated, plus I feel like although she got some huge monster off of her chest, I still feel totally in the dark about what I did to make her upset. I know I said something, I'm just not sure what. I just hope things can be good again.

I just don't know about a lot of my friends anymore. I love them all, but it seems like since we graduated high school, everyone's brain randomly imploded. It's like all of these people that I thought I knew for the past year suddenly "malfunctioned", causing them to think things that aren't true, find faults in people that they enjoyed about that person in the first place, or seemed have a total change in opinions and priorities. Or am I just describing the process of growing up?

Is this sudden, cataclysmic change that I see in most of my friends just the aftershock of the earthquake we call life? If so, then all I can say is that I wasn't prepared for it. I'm really excited to see what the rest of my life has in store for me, but sometimes I look back and wish I could relive some of my previous days. Les Mis rehearsals, Halloween parties, late night pranks, prom, and basking in the newly rediscovered Tracy snow before school. Sometimes I want to go back farther. Monticello Elementary School, hanging out with Mitchell at lunch by the tetherball pole, talking about Pokemon and Spongebob. Those were the simple days.

But as much as I loved those simple days, I don't want to go back to them permanently. In the here and the now, that's where I am, and I think it's a good place to be. I just want things to settle down.

"And they say 'settle down.' Settle down, waiting for that day to see, to see where you belong."

Quiet, Freedom Blade, I believe in your victory...

Today I got to hang out with a friend of mine today who I haven't seen in about two weeks. That's actually not that long of a time, but it seems like it was. So much has happened in the past two weeks, It seems like time has slowed down a lot. And nothing too dramatic has happened, it's just been a lot of new stuff. Anyway, we were talking, and he was saying that lately in all of his poetry, the only thing he can seem to write about is his friends. I thought this was curious, because I haven't been able to stop thinking about my friends either. Be it day dreams, stories, blog posts, or reminisces, all I can seem to think about lately are my friends.

It's a good thing, I guess, because it shows how much they meant to me, but it gets a little annoying when you are trying to write a blog and the last 10 posts were about your friends leaving. Sure, we get it, they are going to be out of your life, now get over it. But it's really not as easy as that. So until I can find some way to be done with these posts about my friends, I wanted to just put it out there that the night of stargazing was probably the most memorable instance I've had with my friends. Yes, recently, but also of all time.

That night was just so fantastic, because it was just us. We drove to Mountain House at around 11 at night and stayed there until about 2 in the morning. There was a meteor shower occurring that night, and being in a very dark park made it easy to see the stars. It was supposed to be freezing cold, but it wasn't really that bad, so the weather wasn't distracting. It was just us, admiring this marvelous creation that we call our home. Not just the planet, no, but the surrounding masses and constellations that we just can't seem to get to. But I remember feeling perfect that night. I felt safe. I felt happy. I felt hopeful. I felt infinite. I loved that night.

Recently, I've been listening to this great post-rock band, This Will Destroy You, and I think I like them even better than Explosions in the Sky, which is saying something. But they have one song that just brings me back to stargazing every time I hear it. It's called Freedom Blade, and even though I really do not like the name so much, the actual song is beautiful and is one of my favorites. You should really look it up in YouTube or iTunes, because it's worth giving it a listen to. I love making emotion connections with pieces of music, because it reminds me that music isn't just entertainment, it's a way of communication that everyone can relate to. I think that's why I love instrumentals so much, though, because there is an absence of lyrics that lets the listener decide what the song means, instead of the artist telling them what it means.

Oh, and by the way, the other two songs in the title of this post, Quiet and I Believe in Your Victory, are also very good songs to take a look at!

Quiet

I've had a lot on my mind lately. College, friends, girls, work, and free time. That's basically what has been going through my head as of late. I guess it's sort of the usual, but at first it was just college and friends, but of course things couldn't stay as simple as that. Because that's life!

You know, I've always thought the saying "Life sucks, and then you die" to be both hilarious and incredibly stupid at the same time. Life sucks for those downer people, and then they add in the "and then you die" part for more added effect. I don't think life is really as bad or as simple as that saying may suggest, but I do agree that life takes very unexpected turns, and more often than not, at the least convenient of times.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she said that she needed to appreciate what she has and be happy with it. She was using the term very lightly, but I think I really need to focus on that. I've been very ungrateful with the things I've been given lately, and I need to shape up and appreciate those things. So I'm going to :)

I start my job tomorrow! I'm very nervous, but I think everything is going to be just fine. I just need to keep a cool, clear head and learn the basics well so that I can make things easier for myself. Let's make some money!

If you can hold on, hold on.

Yet another member of my family of friends leaves for college tomorrow. She's the first one to be moving fairly far away, and because of this she was the first one of my friends I actually visited to say goodbye to. She's going to be living in Los Angeles from now on, and she is going to have a blast. An artist and visual arts major at a film school? Yeah, that's like Agustus Gloop and the Wonka Factory, or in other words, heaven. I'm gonna miss her along with all of my other friends that are gone or leaving.

But you know, today I had a video chat with one of my friends in college, and it made my day. I think just still being able to communicate with someone effectively who doesn't live in Tracy anymore made me feel a lot better. It's really hard for me to do that, but maybe that skill has been improved as I've grown.

I start my job on Friday, and I'm both excited and nervous. I want to enjoy my job, but really I just want to make money so I can get life going. Well that's it for today.

Hey everyone, well I got nowhere to go. The grave is lazy; He takes our bodies slow.

"I'm gonna miss you. I'm gonna miss you when you're gone. She says, I love you. I'm gonna miss hearing your songs."

Today's post has two quotes. Both being from the same song, and even though the song is actually about death, I'm interpreting it right now as people leaving.

I'm going to miss my friends so much when they leave me. I have 4 friends leaving this week, and at least 5 more leaving over the next 2-5 weeks. A few of them are only going to be living 20 minutes away, but the rest are gonna be too far for me to visit regularly. Sure, there's always facebook, but I've learned from experience that there is nothing quite like sitting down with a friend or two and talking about life, even if you just saw them the day before.

Lately I've found myself constantly stalked by this feeling of helplessness. And I know that the reason why is because people I love are walking away from me. It's not personal, it's just life, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I don't want them to leave. I want them to stay, and I want us to get together and laugh and cry and love like we have been for the last year. It's a beautiful dream, but... Well, you know the feeling you get when you're having a really great dream, and something wakes you up, and then you desperately want to fall back asleep and dream it again, but no matter how hard you try, you just can't get back to sleep? It's that sort of feeling.

I'm getting really tired of these sad posts, and I know they say that it's not a goodbye unless you are never going to see that person again, which is the exact opposite for some of the people that are leaving, but for lack of a better phrase... Goodbye Raymund, Sara, Olivia, Barbara, Stephanie, Sheena, Amanda, and Christophe. I'm gonna miss you when you're gone.

Children, wake up.

Interesting how life works, huh? How you can go from being in this awesome mood for a few weeks, then feel crappy for a few, and back up to that sweet spot for a while? It really is fascinating. You know, there's this place I like to be at with my life. It's really easy to describe, in fact so easy that I don't feel I need to describe it to you because I bet you get exactly what I'm saying.

My previous english and drama/film studies teachers would be very proud of me for this, but I feel as if this summer has been a "hero's journey" for me. Now, I won't bore you with details, but I indeed had a call to action and mentor. I absolutely had a threshold, and it had a guardian. I definitely had an abyss, a redemption, and a return home. At the beginning of the summer I felt like I was at this sweet spot, and then it left me. For a while I was in the "abyss" and I need to find some sort of life line to get me out of there. I did, and now I'm back to where I was, in that rightful place I love so much. And do you know how I know I'm there? By what I said tonight.

Tonight I reflected on a very normal, very common night and realized just how much I enjoyed myself. "Tonight was fun". In the language of Pryzstowskism, that means that I'm happy. That I'm not necessarily in my comfort zone, but I'm not necessarily out of it either, but no matter which way you look at it, I'm not uncomfortable. I feel like I'm ready to start something new. As a good friend of mine said tonight, "I'm going to miss nights like this, but it's time for a new beginning."

That it is, my friend, that it is. It's time we realized why we graduated high school in the first place. It's time we woke up and realized that we're not children anymore, and as much as we would love to go back in time to when things were much more simple, we have to move on to a place where things are even more complicated. And I think I'm finally ready. I love all of my friends that have gotten me this far, but I think it's time that we buckled our seat belts and started the trip already.

It really is funny how attached you can get to people, isn't it? I wonder if God ever sat down and said to himself, "and I want to make sure that when they go their separate ways, they really feel it deep down. I want them to know that this is how you should love one another. By longing for their next greeting, even before the last one has ended."

These Things

Well, nothing has really happened much since my last post.

I went to Tahoe with some of my friends this past weekend, and it was so much fun. Laying on the beach watching the sunset with them just seemed so unreal. It was like we are on the edge of something, and we knew something big was about to happen, but we were just enjoying the time that we had until it did happen. I guess that could be taken in both a good and a bad way, but either way, it was a great time had by all. My two friends Sara and Olivia, who both just happen to be italian, made us dinner while we were there. It was a delicious Alfedo Chicken meal with green beans and bread. Yum!

This was easily the best picture taken during the trip. We were all trying to pose as those laughing kids in the JC Penny's ads. I love my friends :)

If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.

If there is one thing that I will say about myself, it is that I love to laugh. Laughter, to me, is a way of expressing emotions. What you laugh at changes from day to day, depending on what happened over the last 24 hours and how you dealt with it. It changes from who you talk to, to what music you listened to; from how much sleep you got the night before to what the weather is currently like. Basically, laughter is such a simple action that is affected by a complicated mosh pit of factors.

Today was such a good day! I got up, feeling refreshed from a good night of sleep, to drive to class with a really good friend of mine. Class was short, we joked around a lot, and all was well. Then two of my best friends hung out at my house for a while, eating pizza and playing video games. Then something fantastic happened. Right after they had left, I received a call from the local PacSun store, which I had applied to, saying that they would like to schedule an interview for tomorrow. I am so excited for that, and it completely made my day. But if that wasn't enough, I topped the day off with a surprise birthday party for yet another one of my amazing friends. The party was such a success and it was so much fun.

But one thing I noticed about tonight was how much I was laughing. Sure, I laugh a lot anyway, but tonight just seemed like the right time to laugh. I was getting a break from how things have been going lately, and I was in such a positive mood, I was so ready to just party. Now I'm pretty sure I was quite annoying with my very loud and obnoxious guffaw, but I really enjoyed myself. And as tired as I am, I am feeling this tranquility that tells me that everything is alright. That I'm doing ok. That no matter how I mess up, or what mistakes I make, or what wrong decisions I may execute, it's ok. It's ok.

So, as much as I don't want this day to be over, goodnight.

I'm heading home. Yeah, but I'm not so sure that home is a place you can still get to by train.

Last night was a bros' night. Basically two of my best friends and I just listening to music, eating food, playing video games, and joking around until 3 in the morning. Usually, it is just that, but of course last night was different. It was the only bros' night where we actually had a challenge going on. Mitchell was going to try and beat the whole Halo 2 game before Ranbir and I could figure out how two beat 3 separate Special Operations missions on Modern Warfare 2. Well, Ranbir and I were getting killed, so we decided to look up a little "help" on the internet. Now that I think of it, it was completely cheating and we didn't play fair at all, but that didn't matter, because just when we had finished the second Spec Op, Ranbir got a call from his mom saying that their neighbor, who is a cop, saw two girls in a white honda writing stuff on one of our cars.

Well, considering that I drove Mitch to Ranbir's, and Ranbir's car was in his garage, it was obvious that mine was the victim. We ran outside to see what was up and found that someone had written "I heart Miley Cyrus" and various song names and lyrics all over the windows of my car. At first I had my doubts of who it could be, but then I remember that my friend Alyssa had said she was going to do something to us tonight, but I didn't think she was serious!

So after trying to get Alyssa's car, failing, then trying to get Olivia's (the accomplice :p) car and failing, we finally got Alyssa back. We got lotion and face wash and squirted it all over her windows, then wrapped toilet paper around the car. Apparently, "apparently", she watched us do the whole thing, but I don't believe that.

Basically, even though I had to wash that stubborn paint off this morning, it was a very fun war that had commenced last night. It just goes to show you that when sometimes things don't go the way you planned, they can turn out great!