Hey everyone, well I got nowhere to go. The grave is lazy; He takes our bodies slow.

"I'm gonna miss you. I'm gonna miss you when you're gone. She says, I love you. I'm gonna miss hearing your songs."

Today's post has two quotes. Both being from the same song, and even though the song is actually about death, I'm interpreting it right now as people leaving.

I'm going to miss my friends so much when they leave me. I have 4 friends leaving this week, and at least 5 more leaving over the next 2-5 weeks. A few of them are only going to be living 20 minutes away, but the rest are gonna be too far for me to visit regularly. Sure, there's always facebook, but I've learned from experience that there is nothing quite like sitting down with a friend or two and talking about life, even if you just saw them the day before.

Lately I've found myself constantly stalked by this feeling of helplessness. And I know that the reason why is because people I love are walking away from me. It's not personal, it's just life, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I don't want them to leave. I want them to stay, and I want us to get together and laugh and cry and love like we have been for the last year. It's a beautiful dream, but... Well, you know the feeling you get when you're having a really great dream, and something wakes you up, and then you desperately want to fall back asleep and dream it again, but no matter how hard you try, you just can't get back to sleep? It's that sort of feeling.

I'm getting really tired of these sad posts, and I know they say that it's not a goodbye unless you are never going to see that person again, which is the exact opposite for some of the people that are leaving, but for lack of a better phrase... Goodbye Raymund, Sara, Olivia, Barbara, Stephanie, Sheena, Amanda, and Christophe. I'm gonna miss you when you're gone.

To whom it may concern.

Like me. Although a lot of people I know have been acting weird lately, I've been concerned about one friend in particular. They have been really distant and I haven't heard much from them lately, and what I did hear from them ended up just being an argument. I find it grimly curious how one can act one way about any sort of situation, but when one thing comes along, their whole way of addressing things goes up in flames.

Maybe I just don't understand the situation fully, but it frustrates me nonetheless. I wish they could clear their head instead of handling it like they do. But then again, maybe I just shouldn't be so involved. Hmmm. I'm not sure.

We will live like fire and gold.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEIypQMIqNQ

(I'm not really sure if this will turn into a hyperlink, but if it doesn't, just type in the url)

I've always loved this song and I've never been able to find a copy of it to download anywhere. Apparently it was a "free gift" song that Switchfoot gave out if you bought one of their cd's at a certain event. So in short, only a select amount of people got the song -.-

Anyway, here are the lyrics. I think they really apply to our lives at the moment. Plus I've always thought these lyrics were great!

You've been living life like it's a sequel
and your already bored with the plot
as if the cast and the score
are more money than before
But the script and the backdrops are stock

We've got the rest of our lives to regret
All the words that were said here tonight
but i bet that the morning, in the morning
You'll find us in bloom

So C'mon C'mon C'mon
Let's not be our parents
Oh C'mon C'mon C'mon
Let's follow this trough
Oh C'mon C'mon C'mon
Everything's waiting

We will rise with the wings of the dawn
When everythings new [2x]

Ever size up with summer sun?
Let these songs awaken the dawn
Let us beathe every breath
like a gift to be kept
Let us breathe it all in till it's gone

We've got the rest of our lives to live out
All these dreams we stay up tonight talking about
In the morning, start hoping, to not be too soon

So C'mon C'mon C'mon
Let's abandon this darkness
Oh C'mon C'mon C'mon
Let's follow this through
Yeah so C'mon C'mon C'mon
Everything's waiting
We will live like fire and gold
when everything's new [8x]

Well does she want to feel like new?

Today the mandatory school "kiddies" went back to their classes in order to knock off another year in the realm of education. It felt really strange waking up today. In fact, I woke up at around 6:30, which is the usual time that I would wake up for school. It's like my body knows that I should be getting up to drive to school and that I'm not entirely over the fact that I'm not in high school anymore.

I start my classes in a week, and even though I'm not moving, it's still going to be something different. I have to drive over a hill for half an hour instead of arriving at my destination in 6 minutes. And as scared as I am for this chapter in my life to start, I'm also excited for it to happen. I think we are all ready to move on to bigger and better things. We all want to feel like new; some more than others. Some of our friends fell like they've already said what's needed to be said for them here, and that they need to move on. Even though it saddens me to see these people so ready to leave my friends and I, I know where they are coming from, and I think the feeling they have is completely fine. And if they feel like that, well then that just means they are ready for what's next, and I take my hat off to them. You, my friend, are very brave, and I know that you will do great things in your future; things that I hope to be able to witness someday.

Personally, I'm going to have some trouble tearing myself away from my comfort zone and moving on. It's not that I don't want to continue moving forward in the story of my life, it's just that I've always been a very cautious person, and it's hard for me to just jump into something new.

I remember when I was very young, my family was visiting my grandparents in Fremont. Their apartment was nestled right up against a train track, and whenever the train went by, it made an obnoxiously loud noise. I didn't like loud noises. So when the train did come by that day, when the back door was wide open, and blew it's horn and made it's noise, I ran to the couch and stuffed my head in between the cushions like an ostrich. And I think I've done that sort of thing my whole life, act like an ostrich. This next chapter in my life is going to be a very loud and obnoxious train, and it's going to talk all the willpower that I possess not to run to a safe place and hide away. Because you can't run away from life, just like you can't run away from sound. You can hide it, muffle it, tune it out, cover it up, and even fly faster than it, but eventually, it always finds you.

The trick is not to be afraid when it does find you. Aye, there's the rub.

I get it out, dig it deeper, just to throw it away.

Today I worked out for the first time in possibly a year or so. It was nothing like the workouts I used to do, either, but it felt great! I actually pushed myself a lot harder than I thought I could or usually do. I think that's one thing that I have always had trouble with; pushing myself farther than I feel like I can go. I think this is a really necessary quality to have, because it shows that you can do what you put your mind to even when your body, or your flesh, can't seem to go on. It's a quality to be proud of, in my opinion, and I'm going to try and work on it as much as I can.

And what is your name?

I always hate when I find out something about my friends that I don't like. What I dislike even more is the fact that when I find this stuff out, I tend to feel let down. I think it's because I really put a lot of trust into my friends, and when I find out they've been lying to me, or just leaving out information that would be nice to know, I feel disappointed. I shouldn't. I mean, it's not really my place. People have the right to act however they like and do whatever they want. But as much as I know this is just how life is, it bugs me.

I'm not a normal teenager. I'm much less curious about normal teenage things, like alcohol and drugs for one, and I tend to focus on the good in people, and completely ignore the bad. It needs to change, but at the same I don't want to change because I like the way I am. I want to mature, yes, but I don't want to lower my standards or expect different things from my friends, even though I know I'll be let down.

So here is my goal: Find a way to mentally accept the decisions my friends make without lowering my standards of what friends I choose. And without doing what my friends do in order to accept them. It's going to be hard, I think, but sometimes I feel like I'm not up to speed on what people do these days. I guess I'm just not sure. Hmmmm.

Children, wake up.

Interesting how life works, huh? How you can go from being in this awesome mood for a few weeks, then feel crappy for a few, and back up to that sweet spot for a while? It really is fascinating. You know, there's this place I like to be at with my life. It's really easy to describe, in fact so easy that I don't feel I need to describe it to you because I bet you get exactly what I'm saying.

My previous english and drama/film studies teachers would be very proud of me for this, but I feel as if this summer has been a "hero's journey" for me. Now, I won't bore you with details, but I indeed had a call to action and mentor. I absolutely had a threshold, and it had a guardian. I definitely had an abyss, a redemption, and a return home. At the beginning of the summer I felt like I was at this sweet spot, and then it left me. For a while I was in the "abyss" and I need to find some sort of life line to get me out of there. I did, and now I'm back to where I was, in that rightful place I love so much. And do you know how I know I'm there? By what I said tonight.

Tonight I reflected on a very normal, very common night and realized just how much I enjoyed myself. "Tonight was fun". In the language of Pryzstowskism, that means that I'm happy. That I'm not necessarily in my comfort zone, but I'm not necessarily out of it either, but no matter which way you look at it, I'm not uncomfortable. I feel like I'm ready to start something new. As a good friend of mine said tonight, "I'm going to miss nights like this, but it's time for a new beginning."

That it is, my friend, that it is. It's time we realized why we graduated high school in the first place. It's time we woke up and realized that we're not children anymore, and as much as we would love to go back in time to when things were much more simple, we have to move on to a place where things are even more complicated. And I think I'm finally ready. I love all of my friends that have gotten me this far, but I think it's time that we buckled our seat belts and started the trip already.

It really is funny how attached you can get to people, isn't it? I wonder if God ever sat down and said to himself, "and I want to make sure that when they go their separate ways, they really feel it deep down. I want them to know that this is how you should love one another. By longing for their next greeting, even before the last one has ended."