So everybody put your best suit or dress on. Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once.

I had one of the strangest dreams last night, but it wasn't strange in the sense that what happened would have been totally impossible, it was strange because of how real the scenario was. There was one thing in the dream that had never really crossed my mind before, but now that I think back on it, under normal circumstances it would have. It was just the time and place. Anyway, I think when I woke up, I actually said "wait, what?" out loud, so there you go. But I like having dreams like that, because, to be honest, I love contemplating about them during the day and where in the deep trenches of my brain that possibly came from!

So hip hip hoorah for weird confusion!

I've come to the realization that trying to write any sort of creative piece has got to be the hardest thing I've ever done. And usually when I have an idea, I instantly start to write stuff down about it, but I decided that on this most recent idea, I would let it sit and mull for a while. It's been about three weeks, or more, since I originally came up with the idea, and I'm starting to really have an idea form. I've been reading a book Stephanie got me dealing with writing fiction, so hopefully it will help somewhat. Anyway, I'll keep you posted!

I think that's all for today. Let's see if anything interesting happens tomorrow, okay?

A heart that isn't worth breaking isn't worth much at all.

There it is again. One of those ideas just popped into my head again, and I wrote it down, and now I'm debating whether or not I want to try and start writing something for this one. I think I'm going to keep the idea in mind, but instead of going ahead and writing it, I'm going to read. I received this really interesting guide book to writing fiction from one of my good friends for my birthday. It's called The Art of War for Writers, and although I've barely skimmed it so far, it looks like it's going to be very helpful.

I've just started so many projects and never got anywhere with them because I never fully thought out the idea. I started it, thought that it was good, rushed to produce some sort of start/filler of what it would be about, and then lost track of where I was going. Even if it turns out crappy or not how I expected, I just want to finish an idea. Maybe this book will help? I guess there's only one way to find out!

Take it from me. Cause I've seen things that you've taught about.

"And to answer your question... Yes. Yes I'm missing you. What, are you surprised? Did you really think I would say something different? After all you've heard me say; after all you've seen me do, you think I would say differently. I think that, right there, is what I never understood about you. You always seemed to figure out every single minuscule detail that I tried to hide, yet you wouldn't know a grenade if it went off in your face. Is that a tactic or are you really that daft? No answer. You never answered my questions. Never. So now I'm here trying to answer yours; practically vomiting my insides all over this dirty, sweat-stained concrete, and you couldn't care less! You know how I know that? That you don't care?! Because you're not here... You're off somewhere in Chicago with the rest of your life paving a road of solid gold ahead of you. And I'm still here, still talking to this decrepit punching bag, still wishing I had never picked up this monster."

Today's title post is brought to you by the letter "B"

Well, as if on some sort of predestined cue, I came up with an idea that seems to fit pretty dang well into what I had wanted to write about. Something that is focused around music (to a point) but isn't actually a musical.

Now I've come up with another problem. It seems as though I get most of my inspiration to write and think up ideas when it gets to be around 11 at night through 2 in the morning. There is no possible way I will be able to continue to stay up that late every night, but during the day I sort of lose the inspiration to think creatively. For now, anyway. So I have to figure out a solution for that. Maybe if I start to actually get farther with my story, I'll be able to write during the day too.

Plus, I have a quiz tomorrow in my college class, so hopefully I'll be able to finish it early, and depending on how fast my friend finishes, have some extra time to jot down some storyline. Speaking of which, this quiz will be my first of the class, and since it is based on about a third of our course, I really hope I do well on it. I've taken good notes, printed out plenty of charts and tables, and done some good old fashioned studying, so hopefully I'll be prepared for this open note quiz!

Hmmm, so what else is new? Well, besides this whole play idea, I've felt pretty discouraged as of late. Job searching hasn't turned up even one pathetic little nibble, some of my friends seem to be having issues with each other, and I'm still dealing with things. I've also noticed a very down sort of vibe in most of my recent posts, which I think is due to a couple of things. As much as I want to enjoy this summer with all of my friends, I want August to come so I can really get a feel for this college thing. I feel like I'm in sort of a purgatory with it, meaning that I feel like I'm in a half-step between high school and Big Boy college (a four year), and I'm just itching to get out before it's even started.

All that aside, I would really like it if things started going better for me this summer, because I really hate to have this negative vibe. I tend to be the person who has a POSITIVE vibe, and as such, I try and cheer people up when they feel down. I think that's sort of hard to do when you feel down yourself, right? You know what I need? Good pick me up music! Lately I've been listening to a lot of Taking Back Sunday, and if you know their songs and my feelings, you would understand why I've been slaving over their music. But they aren't the best band for a feel good type of song, which is why I need to get some good, positive upbeat stuff!

One thing I've been telling myself lately is that I don't know my future, and that I may be having a rough time over the past few weeks, but I've been really pleased with my life so far, whose to say whether or not I like it in the future? Well, me, that's who, and if there is on thing I don't enjoy, it's not being happy about something. Wow, well this post went a bit longer then I had expected, but that's ok. I always find that I never know what to write about until I sit down and actually start writing. Oh, I found this picture on DeviantArt earlier today, and I thought it was just so peaceful of a picture, I even put it as my background for my computer.

"It is no use to keep private information which you can't show off."

~Mark Twain, An Author's Soldiering, 1887

"There it was! Grandma was so nice.

As a child, she always spoiled me with gifts and sweets; always waiting to surprise me. Always beaming just as much as I was when I opened any sort of offering she presented to me. And there it was! The last gift, shown up four months late, yes, but that didn't matter.

I grab the gift and savagely tear open the wrapping paper! My insides are screaming 'Hail, Grandma' as I fold open the box that holds wondrous affection of my loved one. . . And there it was. A duck. Rubber, purple, and seeming to mock me with every squeak. She knew how I felt about ducks, geese, birds, the like. She knew what her own son, my dad, did to me while trying to play his fatherly role. How is shooting beautiful creatures such as these for fun considered fatherly? 'It's all for sport, son!', he said. 'A good lead in the head, as I always say, eh Champ?' No, not eh, dad, not eh.

She was just like him, I realized. She's just as bad as my bird-loathing father! And all these years, I'd never known. Every christmas that had passed by, it was all a lie! But things would change from now on, oh yes, Grandma, things would change."

You know, it's really interesting to look back on one's past work.

I wrote this monologue back in Ontario of this past March, and I was so proud of it. At Ontario, we had all been assigned certain workshops to attend while at the event, and Stephanie had been given a really interesting writing class. My friend, Mitchell, and I really wanted to go to that workshop. So after asking the event coordinators if we could switch our workshops, and being told no, we decided to say "screw you, rules" and attended the writing workshop anyway. I was so glad I did, because I learned some really great stuff and had a fantastic time. All of Ontario was fantastic, to be honest. I look back at it and realize that it was one of my most favorite moments of my high school career, and unlike most other events trips that I take with my friends, everything went right during that weekend. It was one of those times I wish I could relive exactly as I had lived it, because it was just that good.

BUT, moving on, I look at this monologue that I wrote, and I found so many mistakes with it. I tried to leave the writing and the choppy paragraphs just as I had originally wrote them, but I couldn't stop myself from changing some things. Still, you get the idea. And yet, mistakes and all, I am proud of this cheesy little monologue, as it sort of reminds me of why I write. For fun, for friends, and for the sheer love of seeing my imagination played out through words.

I said the other day on Facebook that I wish I could meet Mark Twain in person. I know this is impossible, because he is very much deceased. I could, however, visit his gravesite, but something tells me that I wouldn't get the same satisfaction from trying to hold a conversation with a slab of rock. But I think Mark Twain was an amazing person, and even though the South doesn't really interest me very much, the stories of Sawyer and Finn have always intrigued me, and after seeing so many of his dry humored quotes, the man seems like he was an amazing person. And as much as I would like to meet him, I'm not in a hurry to resurrect him from the dead just so I can ask him a few questions.