Sigma...

So much for posting twice a week! It's been more than a week since I've posted! But oh well, what are you gonna do when you have much more homework than usual? That's right, try not to procrastinate!

Speaking of procrastination, Statistics! Man, is that one heck of a class already. I don't know how to use the calculator, the notes we go over don't help us whatsoever, the labs we do are on Excel, which I have no previous experience using, and while there isn't a lot of homework, it takes a long time to do it. Am I complaining? It may seem like it, but I'm really not. To be honest, I like the class because it is so different from a regular math class, and once I get down a good pace to do homework and a good system of taking notes from the fairly useless slides, I think I might be able to pull this class off.

I sure need to if I want to go anywhere good!

Well, there's not much else I wanted to post, so I guess that's it for this one! A post about math! I never thought I'd see that

For You and Your Denial

It feels like it's been so long since I posted anything of any importance on this blog! I've been in a very large and murky rut when it comes to writing as of late. I had this one idea for a play, but that didn't go far. I also had a few other story ideas, but I never really sat down and put them into short story form or anything to see if they flow well. I'm not sure what happened, but all the same, I still haven't found an idea I've been able to stick with. Hopefully soon?

Now that I think about it, I will have plenty of time to write this semester of college, seeing as all of my classes have either a 75 minute or 150 minute break in between them. I have a lot of time to do eat lunch, do homework, read a book, conquer the world, etc., and I'm actually starting to worry about how I'm going to spend my time. Maybe I can master the art of napping, and train myself to take power naps in between classes! That would be so cool!

Along with this new semester comes a new alarm clock. I now have to get up at 7 in the morning every day. Now, that's actually not that big of a difference from last semester, as I usually got up at around 8, but there is one thing that is very important and completely different about these two wake-up times. That is the fact that one requires an alarm clock, while the other allowed me to wake up on my own. For some reason, even if it's at the same time as usual, if I am woken up by an alarm clock it feels like I have had much less sleep than usual. I don't know what it is, but I don't like it at all.

You know, I've also recently started dating one of my best friends, and while I won't go into any sort of detail for you, it's already made this year one to remember :)

Anyway, this post has reminded me of how much I enjoy writing, or typing, my thoughts out, even if others can see them. Maybe I'll try and work up something to post at least 2 or 3 times a week.

By the way, the title of this post is the newest song from the band Yellowcard, who recently have ended their hiatus and have announced a new album and tour for March. I. Am. So. Excited!!!

College Kids

Well, not really... The kids in most of my classes, anyway. As I sat in my English class, group 2, made up of 8 students, it came to me that half the reason I want to get out of community college so bad is because of the kids there. Let me rephrase that; I don't want to get out of community college "so bad", what I mean is, one thing I really don't like about community college kids is how most of them seem to just not care.

In this group, we were supposed to be brainstorming deeper questions to a selection we read on Jefferson's notes concerning Virginia and slavery. Out of those 8 students, I'd say 3 of them actually said a word in the group. Those 3 being me, a girl sitting next to me, and a kid who always speaks up in class. The rest of them just sat there with that vacant, mildly surprised look on their face of "... I don't know...". These kids really are very annoying, because even though they may not want to be here, I do. Ok, so the class is probably the least interesting of all my classes, and yes, the group work tends to be so simple yet time consuming that one would find it even easier to work on it by one's self, but if we don't brainstorm these questions, we can't finish the assignment, and we won't get credit. I know you don't care, but I do, so please, just speak up.

Maybe I'm just asking too much? It's true that I don't always speak up in class when the teacher answers a questions, but if we are doing something that's counting towards our grade and our chance of gaining these credits, you better believe I'll say something.

Geez, I just want to be surrounded by people who want to learn, that's all. There's my venting for today. And despite the venting, I really have had a good day today! The weather was fantastic, and classwork was productive. I now have bible study tonight, and then relaxing. Sounds good to me!

Waiting for that day to see. To see where you belong.

I think I might have finally found the school that I want to go to after Las Positas, and I have to say, it excites me! My dad was talking to my Uncle John the other day while I was at work, and apparently they had a long conversation about colleges on the ones my cousin Liz was looking at before she found SFU. After my dad informed him that I would be studying psychology, my uncle suggested what he considered to be the top three schools for psychology, out of the ones he visited. He said that the three schools I should be looking at are SFU (although he knows that I'd rather go down south), UC Irvine, and UCLA.

Well, I'd already looked into UCLA, and it is a great school that I would be so lucky to go to. It does have a pretty large selection of prospective students to take into consideration though, but it's definitely something I'll look into. San Francisco is such a fun place to visit, but I really can't see myself living there. Maybe in the future, but not now. Irvine was a school that I hadn't really looked into yet, but a couple friends said they planned on applying there, and they seemed to like it, so I said "what the hey?!" and decided to check out the school.

All I can say is that the school looks totally beautiful, and seeing that it's a UC, I'll absolutely be getting a good education at a school that's affordable. I hadn't put much thought into the school before, but now taking a closer look at it I'm finding that I'm really liking the look of the school and where it's located, which is in Orange County if you didn't know. I'm going to keep researching about it, but I've got a hunch that this time I've actually found the right school. Let's hope so right?

On another completely different side note, I've been wanting to play a video game recently that would really put me in the Halloween mood, and I think I know exactly what will help with that. Red Dead Redemption is coming out with a DLC next week titled "Undead Nightmare". It's basically a zombie pack, just in time for Halloween, with survival modes and undead to boot. I'm quite excited for it!

Dear Friend of Mine,

Well, Stephanie, this is it. You are finally on your way out of California and in to Oregon to start the rest of your life. Are you excited? I know I am! It's actually funny; I'm excited for my friends to get to school and start making something of themselves. Weird, right?

I just wanted to say thank you, and what better place than here, on the blog that you inspired me to start? I know what you're thinking. Why not in person? The truth is, when I said goodbye to you at your house last night, I really wanted to say a really heart felt goodbye, but I felt like if I did, it would have been awkward, given our most recent "endeavor", if you will. I regret feeling that way, because I don't think I gave you the goodbye you deserved, so I'm doing the next best thing, and saying it here.

I have so much to thank you for. You have been such a great friend to me this past year, and I've enjoyed every second of the time I've spent with you! I'm always going to remember how during Romeo and Juliet, we would run to each other from opposite sides of the back-stage, curve our fingers into a hook, and do our very best impression of a pirate saying "Mercooootio!", while trying to be as quiet as we possibly could. Despite all of the inside jokes that I've made with my friends this past year, that had to be one of my favorite. Even if it didn't last as long as "Yeeaauugghh!!!".

That brings me to the next thing, Drama. Thank you for bringing me into Drama. I went to almost every show of the first 3 years of high school, and every time I saw a show I thought that it would be so cool to act like they could. So when it came time to pick for classes, I finally decided that I would put Drama in there. I didn't make the decision on my own, as I vaguely remember asking you about how you liked drama Junior year. You said something along the lines of it being the best thing in the world, and I knew I had to try it. Even more, when it came time for the first show that we could audition for last year, you pushed me to audition, and I did and almost had a heart attack there in front of Lish. But I got the part and after the show was over, I knew I loved acting, and all of it was thanks to you. So thank you.

I also thought blogs were lame and uncool until I saw the sort of things you posted on them. It was all stuff about, well, anything you wanted. You could say your mind to whoever you wanted, and although it was public, at the same time, you could use your writing style and code words to make it so only those who really knew about the situation would know what you were talking about. But it was also a good way to reflect on life, and I needed that, so in the end, you inspired me to start one, and now I'm using it to thank you for doing so.

There's so much more I can thank you for, but I don't think it needs to be said here, because I'm sure you already know. Oregon is going to be amazing for you, and although you said you don't need my help deciding whether or not you will have a good time, you were doubting only a little while ago, so here's to reinforcement. This is the start of the rest of your life, and I've no doubt that I will see your name somewhere in the future, whether in print or in lights.

I've also no doubt that we will see each other again soon. I mean, obviously, because of thanksgiving breaks and such, but I'm talking about in the future. I took to heart what you said, and I'm trying to let things go. I believe I am actually making some progress, as the thought of my friends gone doesn't even make me sad anymore, but hopeful. I've moved from missing those great friends that have gone on to different things, to being thankful that I even had a chance to be their friend in the first place.

Anyway, I think I've rambled on enough, don't you think? I love you Stephanie, and I'll miss you very much, but I'm excited for the things you are going to do in your life. This isn't goodbye, this is "see you soon"

:)

Like a spare button.

It's funny how we work. How someone can say something to you and it makes you really upset. Then they say it to you again later on and you sort of just nod your head and say "yeah, I know exactly what you mean". It's even funnier when someone says something to you that doesn't make you upset at all, but makes you think, and then once you do think about it, you realize that it would have made you upset if they had said it any earlier. And that their timing couldn't have been better. So good job on the timing, and you're welcome, although I don't really feel like I deserved thanks in the first place.

Well my birthday was quite fun. I had expected it to be a fairly boring day, but it was actually really, really nice! I got to have a great lunch with my mom and sister (my dad was working at the bean festival, so he couldn't come), work a very short shift, and then spend some more time with my family and some friends. I'm really glad they celebrated with me, and I want to thank them, because even though I didn't do anything very exciting for my 18th birthday, it was nice to see them. Plus, my sister bought me Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep, so I've been freaking nerding it up for the past few days. Thank you Anna! AAAHHHH!!! :D

I look forward to the rest of this week, and soon some more of my friends will be leaving for college. These two will be the last, and I'll be sad to see them go, because they've both been really amazing friends since I've met them. But I'm very excited for them, and I'm sure I'll be able to spend some time with them before they head off to marvel the world.

Hope dangles on a string like slow-spinning redemption.

Today is my birthday :) 18 years ago, today, I was being birthed (lol) in a hospital of which the name escapes me, in the city of San Jose. Yup, finally 18 years old. It really doesn't feel any different from 17, or 16 for that matter, but I'm glad that I've been fortunate enough to see the day that I become an adult.

It's funny how things change, and how when we try to imagine where we will be in the future, we are usually fairly far from the truth. On this day, last year, you would have seen me sitting on a bench outside of Olive Garden talking with my grandfather about my audition for the upcoming Tracy High show Romeo and Juliet, and how nervous I was. He told me not to worry, and that if anyone would be picked for the play, it would be me. Guess who was right?

I was at my work today and as I was pulling in carts from the fairly spacious parking lot, I thought about where I would've have been 6 months ago, a year ago, 2 years ago, elementary school, but I also thought about where I will be in the future. In a year, I see myself still at Las Positas, still trying to shove that G. E. out of the way. In two years time, I see myself at a four year college, maybe somewhere down south, learning about the mind and why people do what they do, with new faces, new places, and new experiences.

Who knows? Maybe my ideal future is totally off from what it will be? Maybe it's spot on? All I know is that I'm slowly learning that the future is where to look, and I'm very hopeful about my future.

Let's make this year a good one. In fact, let's make it better than last year. It's gonna be hard to top, but I know we can do it. What do you say?

Oh I imagine things. Why does this speak to me?

Yesterday I had the chance to finally go visit some of my friends at their college/home of choice, University of the Pacific. I've heard a lot about the school and how much they enjoy it, so I was really excited to finally be able to go take a look at the campus.

I fell in love with it. The architecture of the buildings and the trees are simply beautiful! It really is the way I think a college should look, or in other words, my ideal look for college. It's a really nice campus, and I'd love to go there, but it's really a matter of tuition. Because it's a private school, the tuition and housing together is ridiculous, and although I know I shouldn't rule out a school because of the money, it just tends to be a deciding factor, whether or not I want it to be.

Still, while I continue to look at other colleges and do research about where to go in my future, I'll keep UOP in mind, just in case.

Speaking of other colleges, where do I want to check out? UC Santa Barbara for sure, but I have to check out more than that. Santa Clara maybe? I hear it's beautiful over there too. Maybe Irvine? But what about schools that aren't necessarily down south? Northern schools are an option, but I really don't know about very many northern schools.

Research, research, research. That's what I need to do.

Quiet

I've had a lot on my mind lately. College, friends, girls, work, and free time. That's basically what has been going through my head as of late. I guess it's sort of the usual, but at first it was just college and friends, but of course things couldn't stay as simple as that. Because that's life!

You know, I've always thought the saying "Life sucks, and then you die" to be both hilarious and incredibly stupid at the same time. Life sucks for those downer people, and then they add in the "and then you die" part for more added effect. I don't think life is really as bad or as simple as that saying may suggest, but I do agree that life takes very unexpected turns, and more often than not, at the least convenient of times.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she said that she needed to appreciate what she has and be happy with it. She was using the term very lightly, but I think I really need to focus on that. I've been very ungrateful with the things I've been given lately, and I need to shape up and appreciate those things. So I'm going to :)

I start my job tomorrow! I'm very nervous, but I think everything is going to be just fine. I just need to keep a cool, clear head and learn the basics well so that I can make things easier for myself. Let's make some money!

If you can hold on, hold on.

Yet another member of my family of friends leaves for college tomorrow. She's the first one to be moving fairly far away, and because of this she was the first one of my friends I actually visited to say goodbye to. She's going to be living in Los Angeles from now on, and she is going to have a blast. An artist and visual arts major at a film school? Yeah, that's like Agustus Gloop and the Wonka Factory, or in other words, heaven. I'm gonna miss her along with all of my other friends that are gone or leaving.

But you know, today I had a video chat with one of my friends in college, and it made my day. I think just still being able to communicate with someone effectively who doesn't live in Tracy anymore made me feel a lot better. It's really hard for me to do that, but maybe that skill has been improved as I've grown.

I start my job on Friday, and I'm both excited and nervous. I want to enjoy my job, but really I just want to make money so I can get life going. Well that's it for today.