Melting time like Dali

It's funny looking back at my earlier posts since I started this blog. I really have no direction for this thing. I open up the new post tab, and whatever I feel at the moment just comes spilling out. I tend to have really long posts because of this, so I'm going to try and keep this one short. Maybe I should try and find something to achieve with this blog? Or maybe it's fine just being the cerebral pot in which my mind spews whatever comes out?

That was a really gross analogy.

But looking back, it's curious how time works. I feel so much older than I did nine months ago, but at the same time, I don't feel very old now. I still feel like I'm really young and have so much more to learn than the usual person my age. Of course, I felt very old at the end of senior year, so it beats me as to why my maturity compass seems to be way off.

All I know is that so much can change in the course of a year, it's ridiculous. I must remind myself to never forget that.

Thursday I sign up for summer and fall classes. If I had been lucky and/or smart and had gotten a higher priority number, I wouldn't have to wait until thursday to register, and if that was the case, I also wouldn't be worrying about not getting the classes I want for this next semester. Pray it all goes well!

Make it long, make it last, make it cruel, just make me laugh.

The Pryzstowski Open was scheduled to hold its first game of the season today, but was canceled due to violent windstorms in the central valley area. So instead of playing tennis, the players decided to just go take a walk and chat.

And you know, I can safely say that one of the things I appreciate most in life is just simply walking with a good friend and talking about things that make us laugh.

I mean, it was everything from canine tactics when guarding territory to the Sham-Wow guy selling magazines in jail to that pink mustang and its driver that always seems to mug me when we play tennis. We just laughed about stupid stuff, and that's one of the greatest joys for me. I just love to laugh. I don't really see how I could get through life without laughter. It's a way that I deal with things; instead of brooding about a rough day, I try my best to joke about it. Big problems seem much easier to handle when laughed at. Big problems have low self esteem.

Sometimes I feel like the things I'm laughing about are immature for my age. I take a look from the opposite side of the room at a group of guys my age, and they all look the same. Black hats and t-shirts, jeans and sneakers, it's become a stapled look. There's nothing wrong with that, but there seems to be this sense of somber maturity that goes along with that style. That it's fine to laugh at something, it just has to be mature enough. Of course, I don't know them personally, so I could be very wrong.

Then there's also the possibility that my immaturity is what gives me this view point of the rest of our generation, and maybe it's that naivety that I need to outgrow. But if maturing means not laughing as much, then I'm really in no hurry for September to come around.

I guess the fact of the matter is that I know people who are successful adults, yet laugh at everything. It can be done, and I want to be one of those people.

I cannot change you; You'll never change.

Today I saw an old friend at work. Well, I wouldn't necessarily use the word friend. We were what I would have considered best friends for a while, but after entering into high school together, found that we each saw life in very different lights. There was a falling out, and unfortunately, that was that.

I didn't greet him or anything when I saw him. I tried to make eye contact, but as I wasn't the one bagging his groceries, that was sort of difficult. After that I saw him outside, and I could have said something to him, but what was I supposed to say? "Hey man, how have you been? Sorry that I haven't spoken to you in three years, but sometimes I just don't like to be involved with the sort of people you've become. Remember middle school? Good times, huh?"

Maybe I should have said something to just see what would happen. Who knows?

Besides that, however, today was a really good day. I got to experience something totally new, and I'm really glad I did. It was something that I needed to experience.

It's back to school tomorrow, and while my break wasn't the most exciting thing ever, I was looking forward to summer more anyway. Besides, break wasn't all bad! I just can't wait for this semester to be over, I'm ready for things to get at least a little more laid back for a while.

Losing You to You

"Ezekiel, come with me. You've seen some horrible things so far, I know, but I still want you to see more. Don't resist me, even though I know you won't. You're fully dedicated to me, and that brings so much joy to me. All this joy that I have feels somewhat squandered by what I'm about to show you, however.

Do you see what they've done to my home? No? Well, look right there, in the door way. Look at all that vile jealousy. The envy that they have for one another and the things of the world. It saddens me. Do you see now how they try to drive me out of my own home, Ezekiel? What have I done for them but love them, and yet they show nothing of the sort towards me.

Come over here, to the court entrance. This is going to be hard to show you, but you need to see this. Do you see this hole? Dig a foot or so deeper, and you can see all they have done in my home. Look at the priests, taking part in the destruction of their own lungs with incense pledged to others. The women, they cry for other providers. Look at those men, how they praise the morning light. As if that light was the true light.

How little they truly understand.

It disgusts me. I hate to be so disgusted with my own children, but what else is there left to feel? You've seen so much, Ezekiel, I only ask that you see a little more. You must understand that I cannot let these people continue to live. They are simply abominations now. There is no glory left in them. They have abandoned me, and they have abandoned all hope. I'm going to have to destroy them. I will not let any of them live, as much as I may want to.

You must understand, Ezekiel, that hearing the cries of my children in my ear is not something I long to hear, yet I must turn a deaf ear and a blind eye.

Do you see, Ezekiel?"

~Ezekiel, Chapter 8. As perceived by myself.

I made a vow to carry you home. If you fall sick, or you pass out.

Have you ever thought about those things that you want to do before you die? I do all the time. I have these images and ideas that pop into my mind every now and then, and most of the time I forget what they were about, or why I even wanted to do them in the first place.

But Monday afternoon, as I was driving home from school, one of these thoughts came to me, and I realized how much I would love to actually do this thing.

I take the backroads to and from Altamont Pass, and seeing as they are indeed backroads, there are a lot of open fields. Every day I pass this field on my right that always looks so peaceful and quiet. From this field, you can basically see the whole west side of Tracy, and somehow this picture has really grown on me. I find it beautiful.

Someday I would love to get a couple of my musician friends (which already kills this idea, seeing as I only regularly see one of my musician friends) together, learn 10 or so songs, get them basically perfect, and then go out and have ourselves a concert at that open field. We don't need an audience. In fact, I think I would enjoy it more if there was no audience at all. Just four or five of us, guitars, bass, drums, and vocals, and just put on a concert for ourselves.

Of course there are some problems with this idea. For instance, finding the people and the time to practice all of these songs would be very difficult. Plus, just because I think this would be the coolest thing ever doesn't mean anyone else will! And how we would find electric outlets to plug in our instruments and amps is still a mystery to me. And trust me, I have thought about it. The best idea I could come up with was a recon mission involving sneaking all of the extension cords into the fire station 300 feet away and stealing their electricity. But stealing from firefighters doesn't seem like my sort of gig.

Seriously though, after playing this scenario out in my mind a couple of times, I'm starting to love it. Maybe someday though, huh?

So what about a set list? Let's go with this:

1. The Sound of You and Me - Yellowcard

2. We Are One Tonight - Switchfoot

3. I Can Talk - Two Door Cinema Club

4. Kids - MGMT (Haha I've always wanted to perform this song!)

5. The Funeral - Band of Horses

6. Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional

7. Sign of Her Glory - Rookie of the Year

8. A Day Late - Anberlin

9. Your Hand in Mine - Explosions in the Sky

10. So Here We Are - Bloc Party (The song I was listening to while picturing this moment)

Ok, so I could substitute some of these songs out, but this seems like an awesome concert set list. Even if it would be a tempo roller coaster. BUT So Here We Are has to close the set, and Your Hand in Mine NEEDS to be in there somewhere. You cannot have such an awesome concert without that song.

Putting all the words together

First order of business... The new Yellowcard record When You're Through Thinking, Say Yes is finally out! And of course it deserved some lyric-age as my title. This is probably the first album that has come out in the past 2 years that I instantly loved right when I heard it. I take that as a good sign!

Now on to the fun stuff... if you consider decapitating fun. Yep, that's what my dream was about last night. I decapitated a young lady with a halberd. She had a spear though, and it was either I died or she did. Here's a short recap on what I actually remember. The setting is a hotel room (huh?). So there are two women, one with the spear, the other unarmed I think. One of us has to die for some reason, and seeing as they are both trying to kill me, I'm fairly sure I'm their first choice. Then suddenly, the unarmed woman just get's up and leaves. I take this as an opportune time to strike, so I use my halberd (a spear with an axe-head at the end instead of a knife or spearhead) to drag her weapon out of her hands. So she lays there on the floor, and I raise my halberd and ask "Are you ready?" and she just looks at me. Then I bring the weapon down in a swift arc, and her head rolls away.

What? Really? Out of all the weird dreams I've had, this has to be the worst. I decapitated a woman... what kind of monster am I? I woke up feeling like a total jerk too. I think I'm going to look this up in one of those dream dictionary things. Not that I think they have any truth to them whatsoever, but it's interesting, right?

P.S. I really need to work on posting on this thing more often. 18 days in between posts, really?

Death and Taxes...

... the only things of this earth that are actually forever, and one of them happens to be money.

How is it that right after I turned 18 and became a legal "adult", everything is about money? You need to pay for this, and this, and you have to work to pay for that stuff, but in order to work, you need to pay union dues, which is just more money. I used to really have that mindset that, yes, money was important, but it shouldn't really be given too much weight. Now, I understand things a bit better. I still know that money is just money, but it's also a necessity, as much as I'm we would all love it not to be.

My mother always used to say something along the lines of "who told you to grow up?", and it's kind of a good point. Did anyone ask me if I wanted to get older? No I don't think so. Now, if I had been given the choice, would I have stayed a child forever, or would I have said that I wanted to grow older? I'd bet you all the money I have in my bank account right now(which isn't a lot) that I would have chosen to grow older. I think all children dream of being adults, and all adults dream of reverting to children, at some point in their lives. Even though I'm only 18, I sometimes wish I could go back to Monticello elementary where everything was exceedingly simple. My biggest worries was whether I was going to play pokemon or watch tv when I got home. I also think it is easier to appreciate life when you don't know much about it.

I had some good times in my childhood, but I really am looking forward to the opportunities I have opening up for me in life. If I had the money right now, I could go spend three months studying theater and other subjects in London. That sounds so great to me, but I know there will be much more opportunities like that soon. And once I have the money, I'll be able to take advantage of those opportunities. When I get the money.