"What happened?"

"You know how it feels. . . when all your teeth are falling out? And at first you don't notice, but then you do and you find out that they're really far apart. . . And then one day. . . You don't have any teeth anymore. Yeah, it was like that. . ."

~Carol, a Wild Thing~

These Things

Well, nothing has really happened much since my last post.

I went to Tahoe with some of my friends this past weekend, and it was so much fun. Laying on the beach watching the sunset with them just seemed so unreal. It was like we are on the edge of something, and we knew something big was about to happen, but we were just enjoying the time that we had until it did happen. I guess that could be taken in both a good and a bad way, but either way, it was a great time had by all. My two friends Sara and Olivia, who both just happen to be italian, made us dinner while we were there. It was a delicious Alfedo Chicken meal with green beans and bread. Yum!

This was easily the best picture taken during the trip. We were all trying to pose as those laughing kids in the JC Penny's ads. I love my friends :)

Take it from me. Cause I've seen things that you've taught about.

"And to answer your question... Yes. Yes I'm missing you. What, are you surprised? Did you really think I would say something different? After all you've heard me say; after all you've seen me do, you think I would say differently. I think that, right there, is what I never understood about you. You always seemed to figure out every single minuscule detail that I tried to hide, yet you wouldn't know a grenade if it went off in your face. Is that a tactic or are you really that daft? No answer. You never answered my questions. Never. So now I'm here trying to answer yours; practically vomiting my insides all over this dirty, sweat-stained concrete, and you couldn't care less! You know how I know that? That you don't care?! Because you're not here... You're off somewhere in Chicago with the rest of your life paving a road of solid gold ahead of you. And I'm still here, still talking to this decrepit punching bag, still wishing I had never picked up this monster."

If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.

If there is one thing that I will say about myself, it is that I love to laugh. Laughter, to me, is a way of expressing emotions. What you laugh at changes from day to day, depending on what happened over the last 24 hours and how you dealt with it. It changes from who you talk to, to what music you listened to; from how much sleep you got the night before to what the weather is currently like. Basically, laughter is such a simple action that is affected by a complicated mosh pit of factors.

Today was such a good day! I got up, feeling refreshed from a good night of sleep, to drive to class with a really good friend of mine. Class was short, we joked around a lot, and all was well. Then two of my best friends hung out at my house for a while, eating pizza and playing video games. Then something fantastic happened. Right after they had left, I received a call from the local PacSun store, which I had applied to, saying that they would like to schedule an interview for tomorrow. I am so excited for that, and it completely made my day. But if that wasn't enough, I topped the day off with a surprise birthday party for yet another one of my amazing friends. The party was such a success and it was so much fun.

But one thing I noticed about tonight was how much I was laughing. Sure, I laugh a lot anyway, but tonight just seemed like the right time to laugh. I was getting a break from how things have been going lately, and I was in such a positive mood, I was so ready to just party. Now I'm pretty sure I was quite annoying with my very loud and obnoxious guffaw, but I really enjoyed myself. And as tired as I am, I am feeling this tranquility that tells me that everything is alright. That I'm doing ok. That no matter how I mess up, or what mistakes I make, or what wrong decisions I may execute, it's ok. It's ok.

So, as much as I don't want this day to be over, goodnight.

I am, I am a machine.

So remember my post the other day about instruments and how I said that I wanted to learn the harmonica? Well, today I was looking online at new iPhone cases (mine is being stupid and tearing...) and remembered that with the money I had left on Amazon, I could probably purchase a pretty decent harmonica. So I told my dad I was looking at harmonicas, and he proceeds to tell me that we have one in the house. And I said "POR QUE?!?". Well, no, I didn't, because "por que" means "why?" in spanish, and that just doesn't make sense. But anyway, he found the harmonica for me, and said that he bought it for my sister a while ago, but she never uses it. So I cleaned it off and claimed it as my own.

I love it! It sounds so beautiful even though it's a fairly cheap harmonica. Still, I spent a long time today trying to crank out some hardcore blues jams on the thing. Actually, maybe they weren't hardcore, but they were still awesome.

Whale Wars

I was watching "Whale Wars" with my dad earlier today, a show about a group of Anti-Whalers, who sail international waters look for the Japanese whaling boats, throwing rancid butter and booby traps on the whaling boats in an attempt to stop whaling. Now, I'm not too sure about the rules of this show, per se. It seems like the Japanese have all the right in the world to whale if they want to, but the Anti-Whalers, let's call them contras ;), feel that it's barbaric and inhumane, so they try their hardest to stop their opposition.

On the last few episodes, the contras had caught up to the mother ship of the Japanese whaling fleet, the Nise Maru, but were having trouble keeping the ship in sight. So they sent a very small, very fast ship, The Ady Gil, to follow the Nise Maru and try to hinder it going any further. After a few tricks by the Ady Gil, it seems they have slowed down the mother ship, but have exhausted their fuel in the process. Now they must wait 3 days for a friendly ship to arrive and refuel them.

But as they wait around, recalling their wins and watching the other Japanese ships pass by, they realize that one of the recon ships is sailing dangerously near to them, and eventually it crashes into the Ady Gil, slicing the ship in two. The crew is fine, but now there are only two ships left in the contra fleet. Now, for some reason I can't seem to understand, in the next episode the captain of the sunken Ady Gil is going to try and board the Japanese Recon ship for what reason? We don't know, but we have to watch to find out.

What I don't get is, why? I understand the whales are important, but does one really feel the need to fight so hard for their cause that they want to put human life in danger? It would be one thing if the cause was about humans, but it's not, it's about whales. When does a cause become too ridiculous to fight for? When does retaliation become too much? When human life is at stake? Or do we have to wait until a life is actually lost? Or maybe it gets to be too much when the human emotions just can't take it anymore?

I'm not sure. I think that it's much more complicated than that, but right now I think I'm done with this post. Sometimes, a cause is just too much to fight for. The question is, what cause is worth going through hell to fight?

I. Prelude

I am a musician. Well, in the lightest sense of the word. I play the bass guitar, and I have been for about two and a half years now, and yet as long as I've been playing it, I'm not all that good. That is because I just don't practice enough. I've always liked the bass guitar, and I've always thought it was an interesting instrument. It sure is an important one. If the drums are like the heart beat of a song, the bass is the lungs. You just can't keep a song alive for very long without some sort of bass sounding instrument. I've also loved how easy the bass is to pick up and play. Once you figure out the basics, anyone can do it, even though it takes years and years of practice to really get good at it. I'm proud to play the bass guitar. I enjoy slappin' da bass! I think I've never seen the bass as a good solo instrument, even though it can be.

But over the past year I've become really interested in other instruments and genres. I really want to learn the piano, and I signed up to take it in my senior year, but they didn't give me the class, which really made me sad. I think the piano is a beautiful instrument, and it would be awesome to learn how to play it.

I've also been bugging my parents to go take me to see the San Francisco Symphony. I love orchestras and symphonies, and I would be just giddy to go actually see a professional one. I really like violins, but I am totally amazed by the cello. To me, the cello is probably the most beautiful instrument that has ever been created by man. The sound of it just cuts through the air like a knife, yet at the same time it's soothing and allows you to enjoy the euphoria it gives off.

Another instrument I've really been wanting to play lately is the harmonica. I was watching a certain comedian play his guitar, the harmonica, and tell his jokes all at the same time, and even though his jokes were funny, I found myself focusing on how good the harmonica sounded. I'd really like to buy one. They aren't that expensive, so maybe soon? In the meantime I'll just sit here plucking away on my bass guitar. Ohhhh, yeah.

Cricket, cricket...

I've had a very fun last couple of days and I have loved it. It's so good to be able to have a good time with people you love. But not that I have nothing to do, I'm bored out of my mind. I sit around at home thinking of things to do, and anything that pops into my head I either can't do for whatever reason, or it doesn't interest me.

I've been wanting to write a lot lately. Wanting meaning that I want the have the ability to write whenever I feel like writing. But I can't seem to do that. When I try to write, nothing creative comes out. But when I'm doing something, all of a sudden a spark happens and I sit there and write for hours. It frustrates me, because I really want to move along with what I'm working on, but I just can't seem to do it.

Well, hopefully I find something to do, because I hate whining like this

A bad workman always blames his tools.

A lot has been going on in the world lately. Hurricanes, Tsunamis, Earthquakes, riots, and oil spills; you name it, we got it. Although, I've noticed something that should've been, and probably has been, realized from the instant time began.

As humans, we have this knack of always finding someone to blame. Blame is an interesting concept. When we are angry or upset with something or someone, we think of a reason why it wasn't our fault. A reason why we shouldn't be the ones who are required to suffer the consequences. But sometimes, we become so afraid of responsibility that we look for any possible way to get out of what we know we have to face next. So we turn on our fellow humans and place the sights of judgement on them. If you think about it, it's really a very savage way to live.

I recently saw a Facebook post about a petition to blame the BP oil company for the damage done to wildlife around the Gulf. I mean, it makes a lot of sense. What did the animals do to deserve being covered in oil and suffocated from the "black gold" in their lungs? And it's very true, BP has not made the best decisions on stopping this oil from spreading, but do they deserve to be charged with Criminal Animal Cruelty? There's a key word there that I'm focusing on: Criminal. In order for an act to be criminal, it has to be either planned out or done with the utmost ignorance one can possibly scrounge up. I don't think BP planned to cause this oil spill and kill the animals, and I also don't believe that they are ignorant enough to think that this issue isn't affecting the wildlife, therefore I don't think BP has committed Criminal Animal Cruelty.

Now I know there are two sides to every story, and although this oil spill was unintentional, BP still needs to accept the consequences. That being said, I think they should repay what damage has been done directly because of them, not because of how chemicals and nature works.

I'm sure you've all heard of the things going on down at Bart and in Oakland lately, so I don't really think I need to go into them. Apparently, what happened was a accident. According to the Bart cop, he didn't mean to shoot the man, he only meant to pull out his taser. Maybe this is true, maybe not, but either way, he should take responsibility for it. The people involved in the riots were angry over the sentence for that same cop. You can be angry, that's completely fine. But don't just take the actions of the cop into consideration. The young man who was killed had just been in a fight at the Bart station, and therefore because of his actions, the Bart cop acted the way he did. Not all of the blame should be put on the cop.

Wow, this was a long post, but basically what I'm trying to say is that although we will never stop our behaviors, the way most of us act to situations is sad. Well, that was a nice little rant. :) I've had a really good day today, and as tired as I am, and as pissed off as I seemed to be earlier, today was a good day.

I'm heading home. Yeah, but I'm not so sure that home is a place you can still get to by train.

Last night was a bros' night. Basically two of my best friends and I just listening to music, eating food, playing video games, and joking around until 3 in the morning. Usually, it is just that, but of course last night was different. It was the only bros' night where we actually had a challenge going on. Mitchell was going to try and beat the whole Halo 2 game before Ranbir and I could figure out how two beat 3 separate Special Operations missions on Modern Warfare 2. Well, Ranbir and I were getting killed, so we decided to look up a little "help" on the internet. Now that I think of it, it was completely cheating and we didn't play fair at all, but that didn't matter, because just when we had finished the second Spec Op, Ranbir got a call from his mom saying that their neighbor, who is a cop, saw two girls in a white honda writing stuff on one of our cars.

Well, considering that I drove Mitch to Ranbir's, and Ranbir's car was in his garage, it was obvious that mine was the victim. We ran outside to see what was up and found that someone had written "I heart Miley Cyrus" and various song names and lyrics all over the windows of my car. At first I had my doubts of who it could be, but then I remember that my friend Alyssa had said she was going to do something to us tonight, but I didn't think she was serious!

So after trying to get Alyssa's car, failing, then trying to get Olivia's (the accomplice :p) car and failing, we finally got Alyssa back. We got lotion and face wash and squirted it all over her windows, then wrapped toilet paper around the car. Apparently, "apparently", she watched us do the whole thing, but I don't believe that.

Basically, even though I had to wash that stubborn paint off this morning, it was a very fun war that had commenced last night. It just goes to show you that when sometimes things don't go the way you planned, they can turn out great!

Today's title post is brought to you by the letter "B"

Well, as if on some sort of predestined cue, I came up with an idea that seems to fit pretty dang well into what I had wanted to write about. Something that is focused around music (to a point) but isn't actually a musical.

Now I've come up with another problem. It seems as though I get most of my inspiration to write and think up ideas when it gets to be around 11 at night through 2 in the morning. There is no possible way I will be able to continue to stay up that late every night, but during the day I sort of lose the inspiration to think creatively. For now, anyway. So I have to figure out a solution for that. Maybe if I start to actually get farther with my story, I'll be able to write during the day too.

Plus, I have a quiz tomorrow in my college class, so hopefully I'll be able to finish it early, and depending on how fast my friend finishes, have some extra time to jot down some storyline. Speaking of which, this quiz will be my first of the class, and since it is based on about a third of our course, I really hope I do well on it. I've taken good notes, printed out plenty of charts and tables, and done some good old fashioned studying, so hopefully I'll be prepared for this open note quiz!

Hmmm, so what else is new? Well, besides this whole play idea, I've felt pretty discouraged as of late. Job searching hasn't turned up even one pathetic little nibble, some of my friends seem to be having issues with each other, and I'm still dealing with things. I've also noticed a very down sort of vibe in most of my recent posts, which I think is due to a couple of things. As much as I want to enjoy this summer with all of my friends, I want August to come so I can really get a feel for this college thing. I feel like I'm in sort of a purgatory with it, meaning that I feel like I'm in a half-step between high school and Big Boy college (a four year), and I'm just itching to get out before it's even started.

All that aside, I would really like it if things started going better for me this summer, because I really hate to have this negative vibe. I tend to be the person who has a POSITIVE vibe, and as such, I try and cheer people up when they feel down. I think that's sort of hard to do when you feel down yourself, right? You know what I need? Good pick me up music! Lately I've been listening to a lot of Taking Back Sunday, and if you know their songs and my feelings, you would understand why I've been slaving over their music. But they aren't the best band for a feel good type of song, which is why I need to get some good, positive upbeat stuff!

One thing I've been telling myself lately is that I don't know my future, and that I may be having a rough time over the past few weeks, but I've been really pleased with my life so far, whose to say whether or not I like it in the future? Well, me, that's who, and if there is on thing I don't enjoy, it's not being happy about something. Wow, well this post went a bit longer then I had expected, but that's ok. I always find that I never know what to write about until I sit down and actually start writing. Oh, I found this picture on DeviantArt earlier today, and I thought it was just so peaceful of a picture, I even put it as my background for my computer.

And the truth is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt

I've been in a slump when it comes to writing lately. I've tried thinking up ideas, and I come up with some really interesting stuff, but I never seem to complete the thought or move forward with it. What is that, like Writer's ADHD? I can't focus on one thing! But I've been really inspired by music lately, and I really want to write something that centers around music. I've also been wanting to write a play, which is something I can see myself doing, but I've always seen plays as harder to write than other projects. You really have to capture the human element in theater, because you have to give the actors at least something to work with. A great actor is nothing without a solid script, and vice versa, but as the writer, it's my job to make sure the script is rock solid.

Coming up with conflicts has always seemed harder to me in theater than in writing other stories, so I'm going to have to work on that, but I think a story that revolves around music and how it affects different peoples' lives would be really interesting. But I don't want it to be a musical, which you think would probably be fairly obvious when it comes to plays. If it's about music, chances are that it's going to be a musical. Ya, I'm not feeling that. Well, now I just need to get to thinking. And thinking... and thinking.

"I'm thinkin'... I'm thinkin'... Whoa, would you take a look at that?!" I think that's how the quote goes, and if you can tell me what it's from, you win a cookie. A cookie I tell you!

"When a man loves a monster!"

This was probably one of the funniest lines of the performance I saw today. You see, usually on the fourth of July, my family will go over to a friend or family's house and have a barbecue and just sort of chill. This year we decided to do something different. We went to church like usual for a sunday, but then after that we left for San Francisco to see a matinee performance of Young Frankenstein: The Musical.

Now, I was extremely excited to see the show and had heard great things about it beforehand, so I had high hopes for the show. When the first few songs had passed, I was sort of dissapointed. Yes, the actors were very good and the jokes were funny, but it just wasn't living up to Mel Brooks status. But, I kept my head held high and waited it out, and I'm glad that I did. The show ended up being both hilarious and very entertaining!

And what's better after a great show than some good food? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! So we headed over to Bucca Di Beppo to get some amazinf grub. It was really good, and after we were done with our cheese ravioli and fetuccini alfredo, we headed home.

And if that wasn't good enough, I got to hang out with a really good friend of mine and watch some pretty appealing fireworks, if I do say so myself. Altogether, it was a really awesome Fourth of July, and I'm glad I got to spend it the way I did!

And know that I don't hate you, and know that I don't want to fight you, and know that I'll always love you, but right now I just don't...

I've had better days. Today I had to go through something I've been dreading for a while; something that I knew was going to happen. The decision that was made was sensible. It was calm, collected, and agreed upon without argument or strife. Hell, both the other person and I knew it was, sadly, the best decision. And it was. I was going to write some huge shpeal (shpeel?) about it, but then I thought "Hey Brennan, grow up and move on. Don't sit there and make it some tragedy that happened to you, because it wasn't and you know it." So that's what I did. I'm still sad about it, and I'm not going to act like it's no bug deal, because to me it is, but I'm handling it like I know I should.

Writing about stuff like this makes me feel so much better about it. I think having the thoughts of my mind spilled out into words helps me to sift through them and rule out the stuff that I know is over the top or ridiculous. I'm always gonna love this person to death, and we are still going to keep in touch and be friends, and that makes me so happy. Even if it didn't seem like it at the time of our conversation.

Anyway! This will most likely conclude my posts about relationship issues, for now anyway.

On another note, my story is coming along fairly well, so I'm going to end this post and go work on it! Whoo!!

"It is no use to keep private information which you can't show off."

~Mark Twain, An Author's Soldiering, 1887

"There it was! Grandma was so nice.

As a child, she always spoiled me with gifts and sweets; always waiting to surprise me. Always beaming just as much as I was when I opened any sort of offering she presented to me. And there it was! The last gift, shown up four months late, yes, but that didn't matter.

I grab the gift and savagely tear open the wrapping paper! My insides are screaming 'Hail, Grandma' as I fold open the box that holds wondrous affection of my loved one. . . And there it was. A duck. Rubber, purple, and seeming to mock me with every squeak. She knew how I felt about ducks, geese, birds, the like. She knew what her own son, my dad, did to me while trying to play his fatherly role. How is shooting beautiful creatures such as these for fun considered fatherly? 'It's all for sport, son!', he said. 'A good lead in the head, as I always say, eh Champ?' No, not eh, dad, not eh.

She was just like him, I realized. She's just as bad as my bird-loathing father! And all these years, I'd never known. Every christmas that had passed by, it was all a lie! But things would change from now on, oh yes, Grandma, things would change."

You know, it's really interesting to look back on one's past work.

I wrote this monologue back in Ontario of this past March, and I was so proud of it. At Ontario, we had all been assigned certain workshops to attend while at the event, and Stephanie had been given a really interesting writing class. My friend, Mitchell, and I really wanted to go to that workshop. So after asking the event coordinators if we could switch our workshops, and being told no, we decided to say "screw you, rules" and attended the writing workshop anyway. I was so glad I did, because I learned some really great stuff and had a fantastic time. All of Ontario was fantastic, to be honest. I look back at it and realize that it was one of my most favorite moments of my high school career, and unlike most other events trips that I take with my friends, everything went right during that weekend. It was one of those times I wish I could relive exactly as I had lived it, because it was just that good.

BUT, moving on, I look at this monologue that I wrote, and I found so many mistakes with it. I tried to leave the writing and the choppy paragraphs just as I had originally wrote them, but I couldn't stop myself from changing some things. Still, you get the idea. And yet, mistakes and all, I am proud of this cheesy little monologue, as it sort of reminds me of why I write. For fun, for friends, and for the sheer love of seeing my imagination played out through words.

I said the other day on Facebook that I wish I could meet Mark Twain in person. I know this is impossible, because he is very much deceased. I could, however, visit his gravesite, but something tells me that I wouldn't get the same satisfaction from trying to hold a conversation with a slab of rock. But I think Mark Twain was an amazing person, and even though the South doesn't really interest me very much, the stories of Sawyer and Finn have always intrigued me, and after seeing so many of his dry humored quotes, the man seems like he was an amazing person. And as much as I would like to meet him, I'm not in a hurry to resurrect him from the dead just so I can ask him a few questions.

I just can't wait to get on the road again.

I really want to go on some trips with my friends. I was talking to my friend Alyssa, and we both decided that we should get all of our friends together and go on some trips this summer. I personally would like to go to Great America, which is one of my favorite places to go. But I'd also love to have a beach day with my friends. Alyssa also talked about a bunch of us going down to Tahoe to stay at a cabin for a while and just chill. I'm sure we could jet ski and stuff, but it sounds like a lot of fun to me!

I also think it would be really great to all go see a show in San Fran or something soon. I'm going to see Young Frankenstein: The Musical this weekend, which I am extremely excited about, but I enjoy seeing shows with my friends and would like to do that soon.

I think a drama club party is in order. Technically, I'm not part of the drama club anymore seeing as I've graduated, but I think it would be really nice to see everybody again this summer. It is really hard trying to find a day when everyone is around, and as much as I want a party, I don't even think my house can handle another drama party. Last time you could barely move!

I don't think these requests are unreasonable. How 'bout making them happen, hmm?

(Also, I've been really bad on labeling my posts for the longest time, so I'm trying to get better at it.)