Tick of Time

This is the last day of 2010. It feels strange this time around, instead of feeling just like a normal day. Usually, New Year's Eve is just another time to spend with friends and hang out. Always a smaller holiday, in my opinion. But this year, things were so different, it feels as if I've finally come to the end of a very enjoyable book series, knowing that the author has already started on a follow up series, which will be premiered tomorrow. It's sadness and excitement.

I did so many things different this year. This year was when I found out what it means to be part of a family of 40 or so people and move towards a goal; one that ended up being the biggest performance at Tracy High in the past few years, and maybe even longer than that. This year, I graduated high school. I remember back when I went to Monticello elementary school, thinking how far away high school was. I had to get through fourth grade at Monticello, and then I would be going to Jefferson for fifth grade. Even when fifth grade was over, and I started sixth at WVCA, I still felt like three years was a lot of time.

And then high school just appeared, and then just as quickly as it came, it went. Now I'm already in my second semester of college. The tick of time? More like the very fast moving sports car of time.

I also came across some people this past year that I genuinely loved. I have a group of friends right now that I care about and who care about me so much, and I really don't think I've had very many friends like that before.

Needless to say, this year was packed full of awesome, and now it's time to move on to 2011. I'm going to try to make it as exciting and full lessons and teaching as 2010 was.

Here's to the new year!

My nose i' nuffed...

Leave it to me and the "Pryor Luck" to get sick during the best part of the year! I was sick during both Christmas Eve and Christmas, and now I'm trying to get better before I waste more precious break time sniffling up a storm at home. Let's hope!

Christmas was great! I always enjoy spending time with my family, and even though I spend a good amount of time with them throughout the year, the holidays always feel like something special. My family got me an iPod connection for my car, so once I get that installed, I can finally use my iPod in my car instead of making a new cd every couple of weeks to listen to new music!

Other than the holidays, there's nothing new that's really happened. Hopefully I'll get well within the next few days so that I can actually spend time with my friends, seeing as some of them go back to college after next week.

Time just flies way too fast sometimes.

I'll do anything to-oo-oo be happy.

Not really ;)

I've been on this week long spree of listening to Noah and the Whale's album The First Days of Spring. I didn't even like the way the main vocalist sang up until recently, and now I think his voice has something very calming about it. Noah is a very different band, and I think that's why I like them so much right now. It seems like most music these days is just a rehash of old stuff other people have done. Even more recently, it's been artists running out of ideas, so they write the same songs with different lyrics.

I imagine that once you get to a certain point, everyone has basically covered every general aspect of a song, so you need to tweak things here and there to make it your own. Of course, if there is one thing I've learned from music, it's that the simplest changes can make a huge difference.

Again, I think that's why I enjoy Noah and the Whale so much right now, because everything is sounding the same, except for music like theirs.

Finals are finally over and I am so happy! It's going to be nice to sleep in and be able to enjoy the company of my family and friends over these next few weeks. I can't really imagine a better way to spend the time off.

So now I'm just hoping for a good Christmas. I just want everyone to wake up happy and ready to spend a day relaxing and enjoying the sheer joy of people. That would be so nice!

It's so cold in this house

Soooo I really don't have anything to post, but I feel like a week is too long to not have posted anything, so here we are. My first final was today! It went pretty good, and I think I wrote my essays very well, (it ended up being four pages typed) but I think my hand is not permanently cramped.

I can't wait for finals to be over! Well, first I can't wait for Friday, which will be the first time almost all of my friends will have spent an evening together in about, what, four months or so? I'm so excited! After that, I'll have one more final next wednesday, and I'll finally be done with my first semester.

I've been talking with a friend of mine who's currently in France, and after thinking about the conversation we've been having, I'm starting to rethink my choice of college. Now, it's not that I don't want to go to Irvine; In fact, I would love to go there, but if I do I will have to take a class that might be way above my level of knowledge, and I'm not sure how well it would go. I'm not ruling Irvine out yet, but I do think I need to do a humongous amount of research before I can truly decide where I want to go.

But where to start?

"We do best when your boot is on our neck."

This quote came from a sermon Rob Bell of Mars Hill Church did a few years back about Paul when he was in prison and all the letters he wrote there. It's a really good sermon, it's been a while since I heard it, and I really want to listen to it again. Finals are coming up, and I've always found the best way to get through anything stressful is to pray about it and read God's word, so a good sermon to hear would definitely help. It's curious, because in that sermon, Rob says that the church does best when we are suffering, because when everything is going well, we kind of lose that need for God. And it's not that we actually do lose the need for Him, it's just that we kind of... forget, I think. I guess I'm kind of doing that now though, since it's a stressful time, and I'm searching for God's word in more ways than just reading a chapter a night out of the Bible. Or is that just seeking comfort where it's guaranteed? Who knows?

But anyway, yes, finals week is coming up. Next week in fact, and I want to take them, ace them, and be done with it. I'm really looking forward to winter break and having time to spend with all of my friends. Plus, no school makes that a lot easier.

Anyway, short post for now, but that's how things go sometimes. It's 11 pm and I'm really tired. Goodnight.

"I told you I was an actress, but then again, I also just told you that I always lie."

Tonight I saw two one act plays at Modesto Junior College. Both were good, and they made a good selection with picking one dramatic and one comedic. The comedic play was one about an American woman working for the government who visited a "Mexican Lot" looking to purchase a model of mexican in order to gain some professional color for a certain political dinner. It was interesting, and twist in the end was both entertaining and unexpected. It was also the first time I have ever really sat down and felt ashamed of being a white person watching the events that were happening. I felt like I should leave, because they were bashing both white Americans and Mexicans so hard, it was starting to get a little uncomfortable.

Even still, it was the dramatic play that really made me think. It was titled "The Dutchman", and I'm not sure if that was the pen name of the person who wrote it, or the actual title, because the playbill hinted at both. There are only two scenes and both take place on a subway train in New York. The only two characters that really matter in the play are a young black man named Clay and a young white woman named Lula.

Clay is just reading on the subway when Lula forcefully makes his acquaintance, and although striking both him and the audience as obviously insane, the two strike up conversation. Lula is an attractive young woman who gives off this air of suspense. You never really know what she is going to do and say next, leading to her being flirtatious and sweet one moment to being flat out rude and angry, yelling profanities and racial slurs at the same man she intends to sleep with. During these sudden outbreaks, white-masked passengers appear, disappear, and even gradually board the same train these two are on. Lula addresses them like she knows then, and even Clay, although disregarding then initially, strikes out at them during a rampage of his own that leads to him hitting Lula.

Now I don't want to go too much into what the two say to each other, because I wouldn't feel comfortable writing it down on a public blog, but let's just say the two end up hating, yelling, and even physically hitting each other so much that Lula eventually stabs Clay with a knife, killing him. She then orders the ghost like passengers to throw him off the train, and when they do, she tells them to get off on the next stop. Once she is alone in the train, another black man comes in and sits down, to whom Lula smiles, greets, and hints at the cycle repeating itself.

It was definitely a play about race, as the whole argument was about a few racial offensive words said here and there, but I'm still confused as to the whole relationship between the white-masked passengers and Lula. I don't even really understand why she was crazy. All I know is, once the lights came up, I looked at my friend who had come to the show with me and said "what just happened?"

In other words, it was an interesting show, to say the least.

Just hear those sleigh bells jingling.

It's not even december yet and I'm already singing Christmas songs! Today we put up the Christmas tree (after running to the storage place to grab our tree and find a lovely family of decaying birds waiting for us) and it completely got me in the mood for the season. I love Christmas time! Everything about it is great; I love spending time with my family, the movies are always great, it's cold outside, the fireplace is always on fire, and holiday jazz is just a great thing to listen to! I'm so excited for Christmas this year!

Speaking of holidays, Thanksgiving was very nice this year. We had round one with my Uncle John and my cousins in Stockton on Thanksgiving Day, and we had round two at my house with my grandparents today. It was really fantastic, and the food for both days was good, although I really appreciated the traditional food today. It was so nice to spend time with my family though.

I also have had a pretty good amount of time to spend with my friends this past week. It's been so nice being able to see all of my friends that I miss so much, and it's even better to know that I'll get to see them fairly soon during Christmas break, which will be about a month for most people. Anyway, I'm excited!

Now, this week, I basically just have a bunch of projects to do/turn in. It's going to be hectic, but if I can make it through the next month of work, including finals, then I'll have some much needed rest to look forward to.

The Perfect Dorm

I think I've mentioned before that I love having those random dreams that I can remember really vividly, because then I can step back and take a look at them, just for the joy of it.

Well last night I had one of those dreams, and because of it, I've dreamt up my fantasy dorm. In fact, all I remember about the dream was walking into a building, realizing that it was the dorm I was going to be staying in, and exploring every nook and cranny in shear delight.

Ok, so the dorm was like this:

It was composed entirely of long, wide hallways with doors leading into dorm rooms halfway down the length of each hallway, but only on the right side. There were also stairs lining the walls. So imagine, you walk in the door, and at ground level, there's a dorm to the right, with a lounge area to the left, with tables, chairs, and couches. Then at the end of the hall is a staircase, turning twice. After the first turn and before the second, there are two more dorms. After the second turn of the stairs, a long staircase goes along the wall to the next level, and then rinse and repeat.

Ok so maybe I didn't describe the layout all that well, but this is for me to remember anyway, so what do you care? Now to the coolest parts.

The dorm rooms were like the mirrors; long, thin rooms that could house 3 or 4 people, and despite how long the rooms were, they didn't have very many windows, and those that were present were covered by light green curtains. And that brings me to my next point. The school must have been Hogwarts or something, because the dorm had it's own color, as if it was a house common room. The place was covered in light green curtains, tabards, cloths, trimmings, and hangings everywhere you looked, with many of these items having dark green shamrocks on them. These complimented the dark brown hardwood and dim lights very nicely.

Now that I think back on it, this dorm was completely strange, but I personally would have seen it as the coolest thing ever. I have to find that college.

I'm thankful for...

FRIENDS!! Haha, well I am, of course, but I'm mostly just excited that I get to see most of them soon! It's finally that Thanksgiving Break kind of time and a bunch of my friends are going to be periodically coming back to Tracy so that we all can be thankful. I got to see two of my friends today! One I don't know all that well, and one who I know very well (or at least I think I do) and have been missing greatly for the past few months. It was really nice to get to spend time with both of them and talk about Harry Potter.

Speaking of which, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I was AMAZING, to say the least, and I am so excited to see the next one! Yes, it's about 6 months away and yes, I'm impatient, but it's going to be so epic!

I was really glad that I got to see the movie with my sister. Anna and I joke around all the time and play video games together and such, but there's never really been anything that we both absolutely loved before. But ever since we both got hooked on Harry Potter, that has changed, and it's been really great to have something that we can both just ramble on and on about. Although it would help much more if she actually read the books so we could talk even more about it. Find time to read the books, Anna! I know school has you busy, but Harry Potter is more important than a measly middle school education!

Just kidding. Or am I?

Finally, I'm very excited to visit my uncle and cousins this coming up thursday! We live in Tracy, they live in Sacramento; that's about an hour away and yet we see them once a year, maybe. Sometimes we see them even less than that. I want to say the last time we saw each other was for christmas two years ago but I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm really excited to see them!

This week is going to be a good one, I can feel it.

Jefferson Aero Plane

'Cause you confuse me more than anyone

an adjustment has begun

to let me feel the desperate need to leave what we undid undone

And maybe you could sympathize

with the bags under my eyes

and we'll see the signs are saying that we have used up all our tries

to be a better person

to be a better friend

to be a better son

He tries to be a better someone

that understands the difference

and that he can't show all the people all the things that really mean as much as he could (feel)

feels like I don't remember

ever being this tired (before)

before now my eyes were closed to

all of the beauty in this world

Alright, so I haven't updated this thing for a while, and I really don't have much to update, so i decided to just type up some lyrics for a song that has really been on my mind lately. I'm not sure why they've been on my mind, because these lyrics are kind of sad, but I've been anything but sad lately. I'm really not sure why, but for some reason these lyrics have been repeating in my mind over and over.

Who knows, right? But I love this part of the song. It was one of Relient K's weirdest and best songs, in my opinion.

On another note, I saw one of my friends on facebook writing to another friend of mine, and after finishing his letter, proceeded to say "I would say I love you, but that's cliche, so..."

The rest of the sentence doesn't matter, but what caught my eye was him stating the cliche. When I saw what he said, I thought that someone must be in a pretty sad state to say that three of the most meaningful, albeit overly used, words were "cliche". Hmm, well, I hope something interesting happens for me to post about soon!

And sometimes the place I'm at, is at a loss for words

Well today was an interesting day to say the least. Not really exciting or even busy, but interesting. I've had a hard time posting lately, as you might be able to tell from the enormous gap in between posts. Nothing has really happened that I want to post here. So I guess I'll just reflect, as usual.

I'm really excited for thanksgiving! I miss my friends that I don't get to see on any basis at all really, and I know that if we get together this upcoming break, I'm going to be so excited to see all of them! Video chatting with people really hasn't gone too far; granted, I barely sign on to Skype, but maybe that's because no one was ever signed on when I was. Another great thing about thanksgiving will be being able to see my uncle and cousins that I haven't seen in, what, 2 years almost? And they live in Sac town. I never really got that. They live an hour away, yet I seem them once every year and a half or so. Longer this time around. But I'll be so glad to see them too!

I guess I been going through socializing withdrawals recently. My summer, actually most of last year, was so packed with spending time with friends at parties and karaoke nights that now that most of them are gone and I work, I barely socialize. It's strange. But I don't think it was just moving away and work that has stopped me from hanging out with friends as much. It seems as though the definition of a party has changed as of late. Maybe the definition didn't change at all, but merely the amount of secrecy that was applied to those parties. Either way, the "fun enhancer" is now flowing freely, and that's kept me away.

I can't say I don't miss the times when we all just ate food, had loud, cheerful conversations, and played minute-to-win-it games for hours and hours and not think twice about it.

Anyway, enough looking at the past. It was great, but now it's time to look forward. Tomorrow I plan to go in with one of my friends to talk to a counselor concerning the classes we need to take in order to get into the school we are interested in. Hopefully all goes well, and I find out the I don't need to take any advanced math classes. That would put a damper on my day!

Hah! See how long a post can get just by reflection? I put no thought into this post at all, and it seems adequate to me. Score one for ze Pryzstowski, hmm?

I was sitting on the roof of my house.

I've really not had much to update lately, but I will say this:

I learned at bible study a few days ago the the whole Bible can basically be summed up in Genesis 5, which is a chapter in the first book of the Bible that names the descendants from Adam, the first man, to Noah. The chapter is dedicated to just this, and seem like it really doesn't serve any purpose besides historical reasons. But it just so happens to be very important indeed. Names have always had meaning, but it was different back in that time, because in those days, your name wasn't just what people called you, it's meaning was what you were supposed to live by, and if the way you lived changed, your name changed. It was who you are.

Going back to Genesis 5, if you take the meaning of every name mentioned in order from Adam to Noah, you will find that it spells out a sentence, which is somewhere along the line of "Man/Appointed/Mortal/Sorrow/The Blessed God/Shall come down/Teaching/His death shall bring/the despairing/rest and or comfort. Each "/" is a break between the meaning of names, meaning that Adam = Man and Noah = Rest, or comfort.

I think this is really interesting, and even though it may seem a little Da Vinci code-ish, I totally believe it's real. Cool, huh?

College Kids

Well, not really... The kids in most of my classes, anyway. As I sat in my English class, group 2, made up of 8 students, it came to me that half the reason I want to get out of community college so bad is because of the kids there. Let me rephrase that; I don't want to get out of community college "so bad", what I mean is, one thing I really don't like about community college kids is how most of them seem to just not care.

In this group, we were supposed to be brainstorming deeper questions to a selection we read on Jefferson's notes concerning Virginia and slavery. Out of those 8 students, I'd say 3 of them actually said a word in the group. Those 3 being me, a girl sitting next to me, and a kid who always speaks up in class. The rest of them just sat there with that vacant, mildly surprised look on their face of "... I don't know...". These kids really are very annoying, because even though they may not want to be here, I do. Ok, so the class is probably the least interesting of all my classes, and yes, the group work tends to be so simple yet time consuming that one would find it even easier to work on it by one's self, but if we don't brainstorm these questions, we can't finish the assignment, and we won't get credit. I know you don't care, but I do, so please, just speak up.

Maybe I'm just asking too much? It's true that I don't always speak up in class when the teacher answers a questions, but if we are doing something that's counting towards our grade and our chance of gaining these credits, you better believe I'll say something.

Geez, I just want to be surrounded by people who want to learn, that's all. There's my venting for today. And despite the venting, I really have had a good day today! The weather was fantastic, and classwork was productive. I now have bible study tonight, and then relaxing. Sounds good to me!

Waiting for that day to see. To see where you belong.

I think I might have finally found the school that I want to go to after Las Positas, and I have to say, it excites me! My dad was talking to my Uncle John the other day while I was at work, and apparently they had a long conversation about colleges on the ones my cousin Liz was looking at before she found SFU. After my dad informed him that I would be studying psychology, my uncle suggested what he considered to be the top three schools for psychology, out of the ones he visited. He said that the three schools I should be looking at are SFU (although he knows that I'd rather go down south), UC Irvine, and UCLA.

Well, I'd already looked into UCLA, and it is a great school that I would be so lucky to go to. It does have a pretty large selection of prospective students to take into consideration though, but it's definitely something I'll look into. San Francisco is such a fun place to visit, but I really can't see myself living there. Maybe in the future, but not now. Irvine was a school that I hadn't really looked into yet, but a couple friends said they planned on applying there, and they seemed to like it, so I said "what the hey?!" and decided to check out the school.

All I can say is that the school looks totally beautiful, and seeing that it's a UC, I'll absolutely be getting a good education at a school that's affordable. I hadn't put much thought into the school before, but now taking a closer look at it I'm finding that I'm really liking the look of the school and where it's located, which is in Orange County if you didn't know. I'm going to keep researching about it, but I've got a hunch that this time I've actually found the right school. Let's hope so right?

On another completely different side note, I've been wanting to play a video game recently that would really put me in the Halloween mood, and I think I know exactly what will help with that. Red Dead Redemption is coming out with a DLC next week titled "Undead Nightmare". It's basically a zombie pack, just in time for Halloween, with survival modes and undead to boot. I'm quite excited for it!

"A smelly smell that smells... smelly."

Don't ask my why I used this quote, because it just randomly came to me. I think because it reminds me of something disgusting, just like this stupid sickness I'm dealing with.

You know, every time I get sick, it's the same thing. Well, it's one of two things. The first and most common type of sickness cycle for me is what I will label Cycle A, and goes a little like this: I start to feel bleh in the evening, and the next day, I am sick with whatever ailment has targeted me at that time. I take a day or two to rest and then I get better. Simple! Then there's the other cycle. The evil, maniacal one that likes to watch me suffer, which shall be named Cycle E, because it is evil. It consists of me feeling ill the night before, and getting sick the next day. The day after that, I feel great, but this is only a cruel joke, because the next day I feel just as bad as the day before. Ok, maybe not just as bad, but this diabolical circle of bleh is haunting me again. And it's annoying.

Go away, sickness. I hate you.

So everybody put your best suit or dress on. Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once.

I had one of the strangest dreams last night, but it wasn't strange in the sense that what happened would have been totally impossible, it was strange because of how real the scenario was. There was one thing in the dream that had never really crossed my mind before, but now that I think back on it, under normal circumstances it would have. It was just the time and place. Anyway, I think when I woke up, I actually said "wait, what?" out loud, so there you go. But I like having dreams like that, because, to be honest, I love contemplating about them during the day and where in the deep trenches of my brain that possibly came from!

So hip hip hoorah for weird confusion!

I've come to the realization that trying to write any sort of creative piece has got to be the hardest thing I've ever done. And usually when I have an idea, I instantly start to write stuff down about it, but I decided that on this most recent idea, I would let it sit and mull for a while. It's been about three weeks, or more, since I originally came up with the idea, and I'm starting to really have an idea form. I've been reading a book Stephanie got me dealing with writing fiction, so hopefully it will help somewhat. Anyway, I'll keep you posted!

I think that's all for today. Let's see if anything interesting happens tomorrow, okay?

Mr. Jones and me tell each other fairy tales

Over the past few days I've felt slightly out of the loop with my diminished circle of friends. Some of my friends I barely see, while others I see all the time, but when I do they always seem just so bleh, it's not really enjoyable. I guess that's what happens when everyone is busy, huh?

Well, I'm supposed to be going to Pismo in a few weeks with some friends, and I'm really looking forward to that, but my work hasn't let me know yet whether or not I'm going to have the time off. Please, work, let me know!

Well, nothing new has really been happening lately. It's almost Halloween, though! I like Halloween, but you know, I'm not really sure why. Let's take a look at some reasons why I confuse myself:

A) I hate scary movies, things that pop out at you, and all demons of the supernatural sort. They scare me.

B) Besides trick-or-treating and dressing up, most of the things kids do during Halloween really never interested me. I'm talking about egging cars, going around scaring little kids, or just plan fooling around.

C) Although I've worked in a couple haunted houses before, I'm not particularly scary, and I hate walking through haunted houses.

But yet, I love the time of the year Halloween falls on, I've always had good memories of Halloween, and I'm really into those cheesy Halloween specials/disney channel movies/tv shows, carving pumpkins, and giving out candy.

My family has never been into Halloween, mostly meaning my parents. The most decoration you'll get out of us is a few holey pumpkins and a scarecrow, and no one really ever dressed up, but yet I still have some vivid memories of Halloweens from my childhood.

One that I always seem to go back to has always stumped me as to why I even remember it. It had to be the most un-exciting Halloween ever, but for some reason I really enjoyed it. I don't remember how old I was, but I do remember that while my dad was helping out at the church Halloween/Harvest festival at the park, and my mom and sister were trick-or-treating, I was tasked with staying home and handing out candy. I basically sat in my family room (the one with the tv and my playstation two), and played RayMan 2 and watching those previously mentioned Halloween movies all night, all the while periodically running to and fro handing out candy to those who were actually participating in the festivities.

So I don't know what it is about Halloween, but I've always really enjoyed it. I hope this year will be a good one too! If I'm not working, that is lol!

A day in the life

Today was a fairly good day. Nothing really too exciting going on, but that's how it's been the past few weeks. You know, I'm ok with that, though. It's weird, I've hit this point where I really don't have a goal that I'm constantly thinking about. I mean, I do have a goal to get all of my credits and transfer to a school to continue my education, but I haven't had any short term goals as of late. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

But I do know that today in class, while responding to question for today's journal entry, I came to the conclusion that I'm much happier when I have some sort of goal in mind. It doesn't have to be anything huge, but I really enjoy the feeling of having a goal and moving towards it. To me, it's very fulfilling. And by me not having a real goal to try and reach lately, I've been just sort of... nonchalant. I think that's the best way to put it. I've been playing video games a lot, I've been staying up late, I've just been doing a lot of lounging around. And I think that's because I don't have a short term goal in my mind to keep me thinking.

I think I'm going to have to work on that.

In other news, and this may seem ironic considering what I just said, I've been trying to find new things to watch on television and am enjoying what I've been finding. The Event, Family Guy, Survivor, and plenty of Disney Channel shows are just a few of things I've been gladly perusing lately. I'm really not ashamed to say it; I love Disney Channel. And cartoons. Personally, I love to keep that balance of those innocent types of shows you watched in your youth and shows that are aimed at a much older audience. It keeps a good neutrality with blood and violence, and laughter and values, to put it frank. I'm definitely trying to live under the mentality that I shouldn't be in a hurry to grow up, yet at the same time, I should become mature enough to function as an adult in the adult world. I think too many young people rush the end of their youth, and then you end up with people saying, "man, I wish I was in high school again. Those were the days". I want to grow up and be able to say, "yeah, the years of my youth were great, but by the time I really became an adult, I was ready for it". Maybe that doesn't happen, but that's what I'm aiming for.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the rest of the week. Alyssa is having a halloween shenanigan next weekend, I want to say. Then the week after, I'm going to pismo with some of my friends for the weekend, IF I can get the time off. Here's to prayer!

I have no fear of drowning; it's the breathing that's taking all this work.

I'm about to do the unspeakable. I know, it's insane, it's uncalled for, and it's got just about as much rhyme and reason as a pogo stick on a tightrope, but here it goes.

I'm going to relate a video game to real life.

Now I know some of you (or maybe all of you) reading this will roll your eyes and say, "what a nerd", but I enjoy finding interesting connections between two seemingly unlike instances. So there's my defense. Let the stones fly.

I recently purchased this game that I had been wanting since October of last year. I only remember that, because the game reminds me of a perfect thing to play during Halloween. The game is titled Demon's Souls, and it's been named a "hardcore medieval strategy", and for good reason. The setting is this:

In an effort to discover a power that would forever protect his people and himself, King Allant of Boletaria delved into the realm of the soul arts, hearing of it's tremendous strength. Going a bit too far, the King unwittingly awakened a horrible entity, known only as the Old One. The Old One is basically the demon of all demons, and in releasing him, unleashed both a thick, dark fog and a horde of terrifying, soul-devouring demons upon the land of Boletaria. Those overtaken by the demons either lost their minds or their lives, but almost everyone lost their soul. Adventurers from around the surrounding lands have now began to venture into the fog, and although many have entered, none but one has returned, to warn the world of the dark days that are upon those of Boletaria. This is where you come in. You are just another adventurer looking to rid the demons of this land, and the means in which you do that is up to you.

Now the reason this game is so intense is because of its difficulty level. To put it short, you are either outnumbered, facing 3-story tall giants with an axe that will cleave you in half with one swing, or falling into traps left by the environment. If you turn a corner too fast, you are dead. If you make a wrong move, you are dead. If you aren't prepared for anything and everything, you. are. dead.

So as you can imagine, there is a lot of dying. That's not so bad, you say, if a little frustrating. Well it wouldn't be that bad, if all that happened was you died and had to restart the level. No, Demon's Souls, isn't going to be that cute and fuzzy. No, when you die, you then become a spirit. You are basically the same as when you were alive, except that you can die much easier. The souls that you may have collected along the way are now gone, and every single enemy that you may have slain in that level is now back and ready to run you through.

Alright, enough about the game. How does this relate to life? The way I see it, this whole game is a story about going through life. I'm not saying from being born, to eventually leaving this world. I'm talking about choices. Everything in this game is a choice, and just like real life, if you make the wrong choice, there are repercussions.

Of course, you aren't alone, not in the game nor in real life. In the game, other players leave hints for you to "Beware of the next enemies speed" or to "Lay your body right here!". Ok, no, that was a joke. I think only two people would get that joke, and they probably won't read this, so, yeah... But anyway, you can also summon people to help you during your game, as in life, you have friends and family to help you out and give you advice about what is coming up next in your life. Again, just like real life, you have enemies. Enemy players. Sometimes you will be minding your own business, and someone will come along and invade your game. You cannot escape, and the only way to get them to leave is to kill them or be killed by them. It's intense, frustrating, and many times, unfair.

Just like life. Sometimes someone comes along and does something to you that just makes you want to break down and cry. It happens, but you have to learn to deal with it, and move on.

What I'm trying to say is, sometimes life sucks. It's unforgiving, it's unfair, and it's not going to slow down for you. Despite this, we have to find a way to move slow in a fast world.

So there you have it, the absolute dorkiest I can get. Relating a video game to life. It's sad, I know. How's that for an update, eh, friend?

Just a Filthy Backslider

That's the thought that keeps nagging in the back of my mind lately. I haven't gone to church in a few weeks, and I feel really bad about it. It's not that I don't want to learn about God and the Word, it's that I'm always so busy on the weekends that when I think about waking up early I'm just like ".... no."

I need to go to church, it's how I grow as a christian, since I don't have an official small group yet. The college group that I could have gone to is on sundays at 6, and since I'm almost always scheduled to work sunday evenings, I've got no time to go to it. I don't understand why small group leaders don't like to put small groups on weekdays. I like weekday small groups. It's like getting church twice a week, except it's much more involved. Involved is good. Involved makes you think; makes you question things, and that makes you grow.

So I guess my options are: A) Get up in the morning and go to church, thus being wiped out for my 8-hour work day, B) Go to Gary's high school small group on tuesday, C) both of the previous mentioned, D) None of the previous mentioned or, E) Find a small group on a different day. I like choice E. I still want to get up in the mornings for church, just not when I have to work all day right after.

As much as I enjoy work, it does complicate things.

Dear Friend of Mine,

Well, Stephanie, this is it. You are finally on your way out of California and in to Oregon to start the rest of your life. Are you excited? I know I am! It's actually funny; I'm excited for my friends to get to school and start making something of themselves. Weird, right?

I just wanted to say thank you, and what better place than here, on the blog that you inspired me to start? I know what you're thinking. Why not in person? The truth is, when I said goodbye to you at your house last night, I really wanted to say a really heart felt goodbye, but I felt like if I did, it would have been awkward, given our most recent "endeavor", if you will. I regret feeling that way, because I don't think I gave you the goodbye you deserved, so I'm doing the next best thing, and saying it here.

I have so much to thank you for. You have been such a great friend to me this past year, and I've enjoyed every second of the time I've spent with you! I'm always going to remember how during Romeo and Juliet, we would run to each other from opposite sides of the back-stage, curve our fingers into a hook, and do our very best impression of a pirate saying "Mercooootio!", while trying to be as quiet as we possibly could. Despite all of the inside jokes that I've made with my friends this past year, that had to be one of my favorite. Even if it didn't last as long as "Yeeaauugghh!!!".

That brings me to the next thing, Drama. Thank you for bringing me into Drama. I went to almost every show of the first 3 years of high school, and every time I saw a show I thought that it would be so cool to act like they could. So when it came time to pick for classes, I finally decided that I would put Drama in there. I didn't make the decision on my own, as I vaguely remember asking you about how you liked drama Junior year. You said something along the lines of it being the best thing in the world, and I knew I had to try it. Even more, when it came time for the first show that we could audition for last year, you pushed me to audition, and I did and almost had a heart attack there in front of Lish. But I got the part and after the show was over, I knew I loved acting, and all of it was thanks to you. So thank you.

I also thought blogs were lame and uncool until I saw the sort of things you posted on them. It was all stuff about, well, anything you wanted. You could say your mind to whoever you wanted, and although it was public, at the same time, you could use your writing style and code words to make it so only those who really knew about the situation would know what you were talking about. But it was also a good way to reflect on life, and I needed that, so in the end, you inspired me to start one, and now I'm using it to thank you for doing so.

There's so much more I can thank you for, but I don't think it needs to be said here, because I'm sure you already know. Oregon is going to be amazing for you, and although you said you don't need my help deciding whether or not you will have a good time, you were doubting only a little while ago, so here's to reinforcement. This is the start of the rest of your life, and I've no doubt that I will see your name somewhere in the future, whether in print or in lights.

I've also no doubt that we will see each other again soon. I mean, obviously, because of thanksgiving breaks and such, but I'm talking about in the future. I took to heart what you said, and I'm trying to let things go. I believe I am actually making some progress, as the thought of my friends gone doesn't even make me sad anymore, but hopeful. I've moved from missing those great friends that have gone on to different things, to being thankful that I even had a chance to be their friend in the first place.

Anyway, I think I've rambled on enough, don't you think? I love you Stephanie, and I'll miss you very much, but I'm excited for the things you are going to do in your life. This isn't goodbye, this is "see you soon"

:)

"The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death."

I don't know who said the above quote, but I've always thought it was an interesting one. What I do know is simply the fact that sometimes, life disgusts me. This morning at around 3, an hour after I went to bed, four teenagers were killed in a car accident. They were apparently speeding, on a road that I take to school everyday, and the sharp turn proved too much for their speed, causing them to flip off of the embankment into the canal. The car was upside down in the water, and nobody was able to get out.

Needles to say, it's a very sad day in Tracy, California. All four of the teenagers were from high schools around Tracy, some on their way to college. I hate days like this. It's extremely depressing, and it just doesn't make it any better that people comment on it, even though they mean well. I just don't like dwelling on unnecessary sadness like that. And by unnecessary, I mean that the deaths could have been avoided. There's nothing that gets me more on edge than someone losing their life for a stupid, completely avoidable reason.

Well, it looks like I'm making myself dwell on it. Let's hope the rest of the week is better than today, eh?

Rest in peace, Carol Phan, and the others involved in the accident. You will be sorely missed and lovingly remembered. May God lead you and your families to rest and ease.

A heart that isn't worth breaking isn't worth much at all.

There it is again. One of those ideas just popped into my head again, and I wrote it down, and now I'm debating whether or not I want to try and start writing something for this one. I think I'm going to keep the idea in mind, but instead of going ahead and writing it, I'm going to read. I received this really interesting guide book to writing fiction from one of my good friends for my birthday. It's called The Art of War for Writers, and although I've barely skimmed it so far, it looks like it's going to be very helpful.

I've just started so many projects and never got anywhere with them because I never fully thought out the idea. I started it, thought that it was good, rushed to produce some sort of start/filler of what it would be about, and then lost track of where I was going. Even if it turns out crappy or not how I expected, I just want to finish an idea. Maybe this book will help? I guess there's only one way to find out!

Like a spare button.

It's funny how we work. How someone can say something to you and it makes you really upset. Then they say it to you again later on and you sort of just nod your head and say "yeah, I know exactly what you mean". It's even funnier when someone says something to you that doesn't make you upset at all, but makes you think, and then once you do think about it, you realize that it would have made you upset if they had said it any earlier. And that their timing couldn't have been better. So good job on the timing, and you're welcome, although I don't really feel like I deserved thanks in the first place.

Well my birthday was quite fun. I had expected it to be a fairly boring day, but it was actually really, really nice! I got to have a great lunch with my mom and sister (my dad was working at the bean festival, so he couldn't come), work a very short shift, and then spend some more time with my family and some friends. I'm really glad they celebrated with me, and I want to thank them, because even though I didn't do anything very exciting for my 18th birthday, it was nice to see them. Plus, my sister bought me Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep, so I've been freaking nerding it up for the past few days. Thank you Anna! AAAHHHH!!! :D

I look forward to the rest of this week, and soon some more of my friends will be leaving for college. These two will be the last, and I'll be sad to see them go, because they've both been really amazing friends since I've met them. But I'm very excited for them, and I'm sure I'll be able to spend some time with them before they head off to marvel the world.

Hope dangles on a string like slow-spinning redemption.

Today is my birthday :) 18 years ago, today, I was being birthed (lol) in a hospital of which the name escapes me, in the city of San Jose. Yup, finally 18 years old. It really doesn't feel any different from 17, or 16 for that matter, but I'm glad that I've been fortunate enough to see the day that I become an adult.

It's funny how things change, and how when we try to imagine where we will be in the future, we are usually fairly far from the truth. On this day, last year, you would have seen me sitting on a bench outside of Olive Garden talking with my grandfather about my audition for the upcoming Tracy High show Romeo and Juliet, and how nervous I was. He told me not to worry, and that if anyone would be picked for the play, it would be me. Guess who was right?

I was at my work today and as I was pulling in carts from the fairly spacious parking lot, I thought about where I would've have been 6 months ago, a year ago, 2 years ago, elementary school, but I also thought about where I will be in the future. In a year, I see myself still at Las Positas, still trying to shove that G. E. out of the way. In two years time, I see myself at a four year college, maybe somewhere down south, learning about the mind and why people do what they do, with new faces, new places, and new experiences.

Who knows? Maybe my ideal future is totally off from what it will be? Maybe it's spot on? All I know is that I'm slowly learning that the future is where to look, and I'm very hopeful about my future.

Let's make this year a good one. In fact, let's make it better than last year. It's gonna be hard to top, but I know we can do it. What do you say?

Oh I imagine things. Why does this speak to me?

Yesterday I had the chance to finally go visit some of my friends at their college/home of choice, University of the Pacific. I've heard a lot about the school and how much they enjoy it, so I was really excited to finally be able to go take a look at the campus.

I fell in love with it. The architecture of the buildings and the trees are simply beautiful! It really is the way I think a college should look, or in other words, my ideal look for college. It's a really nice campus, and I'd love to go there, but it's really a matter of tuition. Because it's a private school, the tuition and housing together is ridiculous, and although I know I shouldn't rule out a school because of the money, it just tends to be a deciding factor, whether or not I want it to be.

Still, while I continue to look at other colleges and do research about where to go in my future, I'll keep UOP in mind, just in case.

Speaking of other colleges, where do I want to check out? UC Santa Barbara for sure, but I have to check out more than that. Santa Clara maybe? I hear it's beautiful over there too. Maybe Irvine? But what about schools that aren't necessarily down south? Northern schools are an option, but I really don't know about very many northern schools.

Research, research, research. That's what I need to do.

Whatever it was you said, I need more.

I miss reading for fun :(

I think the only book that I've read this summer for the fun of reading was the book Amanda let me borrow, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". As great of a book as that was, one is not enough for a few months! Oh, and there was "The Necromancer" and that sad attempt at reading the new Rick Riordan series. Sorry Rick, it just wasn't that interesting. But as of late I haven't had the funds to keep buying books to read. I know what you're thinking! "Go to the library, you half wit!" Well I would, but the thing is, our public library seems to be caught in this weird time rift where no books can seem to reach it. The result is a very scarce supply of reading material, and the stuff that they do have, is old and torn up.

No thank you.

Plus I have this weird thing with books. I'm fine borrowing a book from a friend, reading it, then returning it. But otherwise, I want that book to be mine! The actual physical book is like a little picture frame that reminds me of all the well spent hours reading it's contents. In other words, I love to buy books. That said, now that I have a job, I really hope I can set aside at least a little bit of cash to buy some reading books. I really do miss just sitting on the couch and reading for a few hours.

I had a good quote for this post, but I don't feel like this post was important enough for such a good quote.

I'm sitting on my couch in my pj's watching George Lopez and drinking some water. I've got a headache, I'm tired, and I'm really bored. Besides any of that, I'm really happy right now. I've got a long couple of days coming up, but those 3 days of work is followed by 3 days off from work, so I'm excited about that. Funny thing, today was the day I was supposed to get payed, except for the fact that as I was clocking out, I completely forgot about the fact that I was earning money for working, and just went on my merry way.

I feel really dumb about that, but hey, my excuse is that I'm not used to getting payed. So I'm gonna stick with that excuse! Well, that's about it. Until next time!

This one's 'bout a dream I had last night.

I woke up today in a very joyous mood. I had the strangest dream last night that involved San Diego, a huge storm, and a girl named Clara, and when I woke up I was actually happy. I found this strange, coupled with the fact that I remembered the dream so clearly, so I decided to write it all down before I forgot it, so I could go back and look at the different parts of it. It ended up being two pages typed after I had summarized it, and I put it away in a safe place so that I could read it again when I had time.

I also received a very wise piece of advice from a friend this morning. I think letting go of my friends has been the biggest problem for me, but that advice I got from her has kinda helped me to step back and say, "You're right. I have been foolish about the whole situation and I need to let go." I just wanted to thank you for that advice, because I totally agree with you, and I took everything you said to heart.

Today has turned out to be really nice so far. I think today is going to be a good day. :)

Dark is the way, light is a place.

Uhhmm, well I'm not really sure how I feel tonight. I'm extremely tired from today. Basically constant running around from 12:30 to 9:00, although I really should stop complaining. One of my closest friends has been acting really weird to me lately, and tonight she finally talked to me about it. I think we got somewhere, and I really like that we are trying to reconcile, but I still just feel sort of uneasy. I feel like if I try to act normal, like she wants me to, I'm just going to say something to make her upset again, and we will be right back to where we started.

I guess I'm just frustrated, plus I feel like although she got some huge monster off of her chest, I still feel totally in the dark about what I did to make her upset. I know I said something, I'm just not sure what. I just hope things can be good again.

I just don't know about a lot of my friends anymore. I love them all, but it seems like since we graduated high school, everyone's brain randomly imploded. It's like all of these people that I thought I knew for the past year suddenly "malfunctioned", causing them to think things that aren't true, find faults in people that they enjoyed about that person in the first place, or seemed have a total change in opinions and priorities. Or am I just describing the process of growing up?

Is this sudden, cataclysmic change that I see in most of my friends just the aftershock of the earthquake we call life? If so, then all I can say is that I wasn't prepared for it. I'm really excited to see what the rest of my life has in store for me, but sometimes I look back and wish I could relive some of my previous days. Les Mis rehearsals, Halloween parties, late night pranks, prom, and basking in the newly rediscovered Tracy snow before school. Sometimes I want to go back farther. Monticello Elementary School, hanging out with Mitchell at lunch by the tetherball pole, talking about Pokemon and Spongebob. Those were the simple days.

But as much as I loved those simple days, I don't want to go back to them permanently. In the here and the now, that's where I am, and I think it's a good place to be. I just want things to settle down.

"And they say 'settle down.' Settle down, waiting for that day to see, to see where you belong."

Quiet, Freedom Blade, I believe in your victory...

Today I got to hang out with a friend of mine today who I haven't seen in about two weeks. That's actually not that long of a time, but it seems like it was. So much has happened in the past two weeks, It seems like time has slowed down a lot. And nothing too dramatic has happened, it's just been a lot of new stuff. Anyway, we were talking, and he was saying that lately in all of his poetry, the only thing he can seem to write about is his friends. I thought this was curious, because I haven't been able to stop thinking about my friends either. Be it day dreams, stories, blog posts, or reminisces, all I can seem to think about lately are my friends.

It's a good thing, I guess, because it shows how much they meant to me, but it gets a little annoying when you are trying to write a blog and the last 10 posts were about your friends leaving. Sure, we get it, they are going to be out of your life, now get over it. But it's really not as easy as that. So until I can find some way to be done with these posts about my friends, I wanted to just put it out there that the night of stargazing was probably the most memorable instance I've had with my friends. Yes, recently, but also of all time.

That night was just so fantastic, because it was just us. We drove to Mountain House at around 11 at night and stayed there until about 2 in the morning. There was a meteor shower occurring that night, and being in a very dark park made it easy to see the stars. It was supposed to be freezing cold, but it wasn't really that bad, so the weather wasn't distracting. It was just us, admiring this marvelous creation that we call our home. Not just the planet, no, but the surrounding masses and constellations that we just can't seem to get to. But I remember feeling perfect that night. I felt safe. I felt happy. I felt hopeful. I felt infinite. I loved that night.

Recently, I've been listening to this great post-rock band, This Will Destroy You, and I think I like them even better than Explosions in the Sky, which is saying something. But they have one song that just brings me back to stargazing every time I hear it. It's called Freedom Blade, and even though I really do not like the name so much, the actual song is beautiful and is one of my favorites. You should really look it up in YouTube or iTunes, because it's worth giving it a listen to. I love making emotion connections with pieces of music, because it reminds me that music isn't just entertainment, it's a way of communication that everyone can relate to. I think that's why I love instrumentals so much, though, because there is an absence of lyrics that lets the listener decide what the song means, instead of the artist telling them what it means.

Oh, and by the way, the other two songs in the title of this post, Quiet and I Believe in Your Victory, are also very good songs to take a look at!

Quiet

I've had a lot on my mind lately. College, friends, girls, work, and free time. That's basically what has been going through my head as of late. I guess it's sort of the usual, but at first it was just college and friends, but of course things couldn't stay as simple as that. Because that's life!

You know, I've always thought the saying "Life sucks, and then you die" to be both hilarious and incredibly stupid at the same time. Life sucks for those downer people, and then they add in the "and then you die" part for more added effect. I don't think life is really as bad or as simple as that saying may suggest, but I do agree that life takes very unexpected turns, and more often than not, at the least convenient of times.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she said that she needed to appreciate what she has and be happy with it. She was using the term very lightly, but I think I really need to focus on that. I've been very ungrateful with the things I've been given lately, and I need to shape up and appreciate those things. So I'm going to :)

I start my job tomorrow! I'm very nervous, but I think everything is going to be just fine. I just need to keep a cool, clear head and learn the basics well so that I can make things easier for myself. Let's make some money!

If you can hold on, hold on.

Yet another member of my family of friends leaves for college tomorrow. She's the first one to be moving fairly far away, and because of this she was the first one of my friends I actually visited to say goodbye to. She's going to be living in Los Angeles from now on, and she is going to have a blast. An artist and visual arts major at a film school? Yeah, that's like Agustus Gloop and the Wonka Factory, or in other words, heaven. I'm gonna miss her along with all of my other friends that are gone or leaving.

But you know, today I had a video chat with one of my friends in college, and it made my day. I think just still being able to communicate with someone effectively who doesn't live in Tracy anymore made me feel a lot better. It's really hard for me to do that, but maybe that skill has been improved as I've grown.

I start my job on Friday, and I'm both excited and nervous. I want to enjoy my job, but really I just want to make money so I can get life going. Well that's it for today.

Fools.

I was reading the Bible today, in the book of Luke. In that book, there is a very controversial verse where Jesus is trying to teach the multitudes about Him and the Word. The verse reads, "Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, 'If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.'" Luke 14:25-26

I think the crucial thing that people find controversial is the use of the word hate. These days, we use that word to express a feeling of great loathing or otherwise disgust with some sort of person, place, or thing. So when we see anything that tells us to hate out family, we tend to get a little wary of what this idea may be suggesting. Because of this, people look at this verse and say "Oh, well, the Bible tells us that we should hate our parents, our siblings, and even ourselves!"

The only problem is, people are looking at this word hate in the present tense. Hate was used much differently back then, and was actually used to refer to one's sense of priorities. So if you said that you hated someone, that only meant that you were putting something before that person. That there was something you were more worried about then the person you "hated". It had absolutely nothing to do with how you felt about the person, it was just a matter of one's priorities.

I think that's the problem with the world we live in today. We take our vocabulary and use the same words for different meanings. A situation or event that happened a couple decades ago means something completely different these days. We've been doing this since before we even started our nation. Take, for instance, the War for Independence. It was us against the British, and we were obviously more "with the times", including our war tactics. We hid in bushes, dressed in dark colors, and ambushed the British. The British, well, they wore red with big, white X's across their chests and stood in a single line taking turns firing into the forests where we were hiding. They obviously didn't get the memo that times had changed.

So what am I saying? Well, I'm not entirely sure, but I think what I mean to say is that our country has always been one to move too fast for it's own good, and it doesn't look like it's slowing down any time soon.

Soldier on, soldier on. Keep your heart close to the ground.

Wow. Talk about a change in pace! Let's take these past three days in steps, shall we?

Tuesday-

Basically getting all last minute stuff out of the way for starting college the next day. I got a call at around 3:30 in the afternoon from a manager at Raley's. They wanted to call me in for an interview, and of course I was all for it. I said of course, and we worked out that I would go take the interview at 3:00 the next day.

Wednesday-

I woke up at around 6:00 in the morning, because of course my internal alarm clock couldn't wait up for my actual alarm clock, which was set for 8:15. I woke up, read the rest of an amazing book Amanda let me borrowed, which was named "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". It was such a good book! By that time it was around 8, and I decided to get up and go for a bike ride. It was really nice outside and the perfect weather for a bike ride. Then I got ready, and drove over the inconvenient hill to Las Positas. When I got there, parking was so scarce that it took me 10 minutes to find a spot, and I was an hour early for my class. The first classes I had were really great, and even though parking was horrible and the parking lot was so crowded, it was a great first day at school!

Then I went to the interview. Well, first I rushed home as fast as I could to change, and then I went to the interview. I felt that it went good, but it was super short, so I was a little skeptical. Still, all I could do was hope.

Thursday-

No bike ride for me today, which would have been a good idea, because I was really bored from about 7, when I woke up, to 11:30, when I left for school. The parking was even worse today! I spent at least 20 minutes trying to find a spot, and once I did, it was all the way on the other side of campus. My first class today was really good, and I liked the teacher, but the best thing happened when the class got out. I got a text from my dad saying that I should call back Cynthia from Raley's. I did, and she offered me the job, and of course I was excited and said YEESSS!!!! Maybe not quite as drastic, but I definitely thanked her enough times. So after I attended my next class, drove home, ate a sandwich, searched high and low for my birth certificate, I am typing this up. I have to turn in some information tomorrow and then I have orientation in Modesto next friday and saturday. And then I can work.

I really like how quickly things have changed. Was it just summer? What was holding me back? What was pushing on the threshold of summer and college with so much force that right when college started, another door opened; a door which I have been trying to pick and ram through or receive some sort of answer from for so long? I don't know. But I am so thankful. God, You are so good, because I've been praying to You about this forever, and finally You came through, just like You always do.

So thank You.

"I guess my summer vacation... is over..."

~Roxas, Kingdom Hearts II

I got to actually use a Kingdom Hearts quote in my post! My blog is no complete! Ok maybe not, but I'm still pretty excited about that. Anyway, this is officially my last post of summer vacation. Tomorrow I go to Las Positas for my first full semester of college. I'm excited, but at the same time I am a little nervous. Both of these feelings are mixed together with a sense of curiosity, because I'm very interested to see if I will like this year or not. I think I will, but then again, life takes some very mysterious turns, that's for sure.

I can safely say that this summer turned out to be absolutely nothing like I had expected. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing because I can easily say that this was the best summer I've ever had. This was the best year I've ever had, hands down. This year I had the biggest and most loving group of friends ever, and it's gonna be hard to find people as amazing as them. I loved this year, and I owe it all to my loving and supportive family and my amazing friends.

I think the only two goals I have for this year are 1) To make my first year of college successful and enjoyable, and 2) to stay in touch with all of my friends while we are at our separate grounds of education.

I think I can make it happen, but I just have to be very positive about the whole situation. I need to be positive.

Hey everyone, well I got nowhere to go. The grave is lazy; He takes our bodies slow.

"I'm gonna miss you. I'm gonna miss you when you're gone. She says, I love you. I'm gonna miss hearing your songs."

Today's post has two quotes. Both being from the same song, and even though the song is actually about death, I'm interpreting it right now as people leaving.

I'm going to miss my friends so much when they leave me. I have 4 friends leaving this week, and at least 5 more leaving over the next 2-5 weeks. A few of them are only going to be living 20 minutes away, but the rest are gonna be too far for me to visit regularly. Sure, there's always facebook, but I've learned from experience that there is nothing quite like sitting down with a friend or two and talking about life, even if you just saw them the day before.

Lately I've found myself constantly stalked by this feeling of helplessness. And I know that the reason why is because people I love are walking away from me. It's not personal, it's just life, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I don't want them to leave. I want them to stay, and I want us to get together and laugh and cry and love like we have been for the last year. It's a beautiful dream, but... Well, you know the feeling you get when you're having a really great dream, and something wakes you up, and then you desperately want to fall back asleep and dream it again, but no matter how hard you try, you just can't get back to sleep? It's that sort of feeling.

I'm getting really tired of these sad posts, and I know they say that it's not a goodbye unless you are never going to see that person again, which is the exact opposite for some of the people that are leaving, but for lack of a better phrase... Goodbye Raymund, Sara, Olivia, Barbara, Stephanie, Sheena, Amanda, and Christophe. I'm gonna miss you when you're gone.

To whom it may concern.

Like me. Although a lot of people I know have been acting weird lately, I've been concerned about one friend in particular. They have been really distant and I haven't heard much from them lately, and what I did hear from them ended up just being an argument. I find it grimly curious how one can act one way about any sort of situation, but when one thing comes along, their whole way of addressing things goes up in flames.

Maybe I just don't understand the situation fully, but it frustrates me nonetheless. I wish they could clear their head instead of handling it like they do. But then again, maybe I just shouldn't be so involved. Hmmm. I'm not sure.

We will live like fire and gold.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEIypQMIqNQ

(I'm not really sure if this will turn into a hyperlink, but if it doesn't, just type in the url)

I've always loved this song and I've never been able to find a copy of it to download anywhere. Apparently it was a "free gift" song that Switchfoot gave out if you bought one of their cd's at a certain event. So in short, only a select amount of people got the song -.-

Anyway, here are the lyrics. I think they really apply to our lives at the moment. Plus I've always thought these lyrics were great!

You've been living life like it's a sequel
and your already bored with the plot
as if the cast and the score
are more money than before
But the script and the backdrops are stock

We've got the rest of our lives to regret
All the words that were said here tonight
but i bet that the morning, in the morning
You'll find us in bloom

So C'mon C'mon C'mon
Let's not be our parents
Oh C'mon C'mon C'mon
Let's follow this trough
Oh C'mon C'mon C'mon
Everything's waiting

We will rise with the wings of the dawn
When everythings new [2x]

Ever size up with summer sun?
Let these songs awaken the dawn
Let us beathe every breath
like a gift to be kept
Let us breathe it all in till it's gone

We've got the rest of our lives to live out
All these dreams we stay up tonight talking about
In the morning, start hoping, to not be too soon

So C'mon C'mon C'mon
Let's abandon this darkness
Oh C'mon C'mon C'mon
Let's follow this through
Yeah so C'mon C'mon C'mon
Everything's waiting
We will live like fire and gold
when everything's new [8x]

Well does she want to feel like new?

Today the mandatory school "kiddies" went back to their classes in order to knock off another year in the realm of education. It felt really strange waking up today. In fact, I woke up at around 6:30, which is the usual time that I would wake up for school. It's like my body knows that I should be getting up to drive to school and that I'm not entirely over the fact that I'm not in high school anymore.

I start my classes in a week, and even though I'm not moving, it's still going to be something different. I have to drive over a hill for half an hour instead of arriving at my destination in 6 minutes. And as scared as I am for this chapter in my life to start, I'm also excited for it to happen. I think we are all ready to move on to bigger and better things. We all want to feel like new; some more than others. Some of our friends fell like they've already said what's needed to be said for them here, and that they need to move on. Even though it saddens me to see these people so ready to leave my friends and I, I know where they are coming from, and I think the feeling they have is completely fine. And if they feel like that, well then that just means they are ready for what's next, and I take my hat off to them. You, my friend, are very brave, and I know that you will do great things in your future; things that I hope to be able to witness someday.

Personally, I'm going to have some trouble tearing myself away from my comfort zone and moving on. It's not that I don't want to continue moving forward in the story of my life, it's just that I've always been a very cautious person, and it's hard for me to just jump into something new.

I remember when I was very young, my family was visiting my grandparents in Fremont. Their apartment was nestled right up against a train track, and whenever the train went by, it made an obnoxiously loud noise. I didn't like loud noises. So when the train did come by that day, when the back door was wide open, and blew it's horn and made it's noise, I ran to the couch and stuffed my head in between the cushions like an ostrich. And I think I've done that sort of thing my whole life, act like an ostrich. This next chapter in my life is going to be a very loud and obnoxious train, and it's going to talk all the willpower that I possess not to run to a safe place and hide away. Because you can't run away from life, just like you can't run away from sound. You can hide it, muffle it, tune it out, cover it up, and even fly faster than it, but eventually, it always finds you.

The trick is not to be afraid when it does find you. Aye, there's the rub.

I get it out, dig it deeper, just to throw it away.

Today I worked out for the first time in possibly a year or so. It was nothing like the workouts I used to do, either, but it felt great! I actually pushed myself a lot harder than I thought I could or usually do. I think that's one thing that I have always had trouble with; pushing myself farther than I feel like I can go. I think this is a really necessary quality to have, because it shows that you can do what you put your mind to even when your body, or your flesh, can't seem to go on. It's a quality to be proud of, in my opinion, and I'm going to try and work on it as much as I can.

And what is your name?

I always hate when I find out something about my friends that I don't like. What I dislike even more is the fact that when I find this stuff out, I tend to feel let down. I think it's because I really put a lot of trust into my friends, and when I find out they've been lying to me, or just leaving out information that would be nice to know, I feel disappointed. I shouldn't. I mean, it's not really my place. People have the right to act however they like and do whatever they want. But as much as I know this is just how life is, it bugs me.

I'm not a normal teenager. I'm much less curious about normal teenage things, like alcohol and drugs for one, and I tend to focus on the good in people, and completely ignore the bad. It needs to change, but at the same I don't want to change because I like the way I am. I want to mature, yes, but I don't want to lower my standards or expect different things from my friends, even though I know I'll be let down.

So here is my goal: Find a way to mentally accept the decisions my friends make without lowering my standards of what friends I choose. And without doing what my friends do in order to accept them. It's going to be hard, I think, but sometimes I feel like I'm not up to speed on what people do these days. I guess I'm just not sure. Hmmmm.

Children, wake up.

Interesting how life works, huh? How you can go from being in this awesome mood for a few weeks, then feel crappy for a few, and back up to that sweet spot for a while? It really is fascinating. You know, there's this place I like to be at with my life. It's really easy to describe, in fact so easy that I don't feel I need to describe it to you because I bet you get exactly what I'm saying.

My previous english and drama/film studies teachers would be very proud of me for this, but I feel as if this summer has been a "hero's journey" for me. Now, I won't bore you with details, but I indeed had a call to action and mentor. I absolutely had a threshold, and it had a guardian. I definitely had an abyss, a redemption, and a return home. At the beginning of the summer I felt like I was at this sweet spot, and then it left me. For a while I was in the "abyss" and I need to find some sort of life line to get me out of there. I did, and now I'm back to where I was, in that rightful place I love so much. And do you know how I know I'm there? By what I said tonight.

Tonight I reflected on a very normal, very common night and realized just how much I enjoyed myself. "Tonight was fun". In the language of Pryzstowskism, that means that I'm happy. That I'm not necessarily in my comfort zone, but I'm not necessarily out of it either, but no matter which way you look at it, I'm not uncomfortable. I feel like I'm ready to start something new. As a good friend of mine said tonight, "I'm going to miss nights like this, but it's time for a new beginning."

That it is, my friend, that it is. It's time we realized why we graduated high school in the first place. It's time we woke up and realized that we're not children anymore, and as much as we would love to go back in time to when things were much more simple, we have to move on to a place where things are even more complicated. And I think I'm finally ready. I love all of my friends that have gotten me this far, but I think it's time that we buckled our seat belts and started the trip already.

It really is funny how attached you can get to people, isn't it? I wonder if God ever sat down and said to himself, "and I want to make sure that when they go their separate ways, they really feel it deep down. I want them to know that this is how you should love one another. By longing for their next greeting, even before the last one has ended."

"What happened?"

"You know how it feels. . . when all your teeth are falling out? And at first you don't notice, but then you do and you find out that they're really far apart. . . And then one day. . . You don't have any teeth anymore. Yeah, it was like that. . ."

~Carol, a Wild Thing~

These Things

Well, nothing has really happened much since my last post.

I went to Tahoe with some of my friends this past weekend, and it was so much fun. Laying on the beach watching the sunset with them just seemed so unreal. It was like we are on the edge of something, and we knew something big was about to happen, but we were just enjoying the time that we had until it did happen. I guess that could be taken in both a good and a bad way, but either way, it was a great time had by all. My two friends Sara and Olivia, who both just happen to be italian, made us dinner while we were there. It was a delicious Alfedo Chicken meal with green beans and bread. Yum!

This was easily the best picture taken during the trip. We were all trying to pose as those laughing kids in the JC Penny's ads. I love my friends :)

Take it from me. Cause I've seen things that you've taught about.

"And to answer your question... Yes. Yes I'm missing you. What, are you surprised? Did you really think I would say something different? After all you've heard me say; after all you've seen me do, you think I would say differently. I think that, right there, is what I never understood about you. You always seemed to figure out every single minuscule detail that I tried to hide, yet you wouldn't know a grenade if it went off in your face. Is that a tactic or are you really that daft? No answer. You never answered my questions. Never. So now I'm here trying to answer yours; practically vomiting my insides all over this dirty, sweat-stained concrete, and you couldn't care less! You know how I know that? That you don't care?! Because you're not here... You're off somewhere in Chicago with the rest of your life paving a road of solid gold ahead of you. And I'm still here, still talking to this decrepit punching bag, still wishing I had never picked up this monster."

If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.

If there is one thing that I will say about myself, it is that I love to laugh. Laughter, to me, is a way of expressing emotions. What you laugh at changes from day to day, depending on what happened over the last 24 hours and how you dealt with it. It changes from who you talk to, to what music you listened to; from how much sleep you got the night before to what the weather is currently like. Basically, laughter is such a simple action that is affected by a complicated mosh pit of factors.

Today was such a good day! I got up, feeling refreshed from a good night of sleep, to drive to class with a really good friend of mine. Class was short, we joked around a lot, and all was well. Then two of my best friends hung out at my house for a while, eating pizza and playing video games. Then something fantastic happened. Right after they had left, I received a call from the local PacSun store, which I had applied to, saying that they would like to schedule an interview for tomorrow. I am so excited for that, and it completely made my day. But if that wasn't enough, I topped the day off with a surprise birthday party for yet another one of my amazing friends. The party was such a success and it was so much fun.

But one thing I noticed about tonight was how much I was laughing. Sure, I laugh a lot anyway, but tonight just seemed like the right time to laugh. I was getting a break from how things have been going lately, and I was in such a positive mood, I was so ready to just party. Now I'm pretty sure I was quite annoying with my very loud and obnoxious guffaw, but I really enjoyed myself. And as tired as I am, I am feeling this tranquility that tells me that everything is alright. That I'm doing ok. That no matter how I mess up, or what mistakes I make, or what wrong decisions I may execute, it's ok. It's ok.

So, as much as I don't want this day to be over, goodnight.

I am, I am a machine.

So remember my post the other day about instruments and how I said that I wanted to learn the harmonica? Well, today I was looking online at new iPhone cases (mine is being stupid and tearing...) and remembered that with the money I had left on Amazon, I could probably purchase a pretty decent harmonica. So I told my dad I was looking at harmonicas, and he proceeds to tell me that we have one in the house. And I said "POR QUE?!?". Well, no, I didn't, because "por que" means "why?" in spanish, and that just doesn't make sense. But anyway, he found the harmonica for me, and said that he bought it for my sister a while ago, but she never uses it. So I cleaned it off and claimed it as my own.

I love it! It sounds so beautiful even though it's a fairly cheap harmonica. Still, I spent a long time today trying to crank out some hardcore blues jams on the thing. Actually, maybe they weren't hardcore, but they were still awesome.

Whale Wars

I was watching "Whale Wars" with my dad earlier today, a show about a group of Anti-Whalers, who sail international waters look for the Japanese whaling boats, throwing rancid butter and booby traps on the whaling boats in an attempt to stop whaling. Now, I'm not too sure about the rules of this show, per se. It seems like the Japanese have all the right in the world to whale if they want to, but the Anti-Whalers, let's call them contras ;), feel that it's barbaric and inhumane, so they try their hardest to stop their opposition.

On the last few episodes, the contras had caught up to the mother ship of the Japanese whaling fleet, the Nise Maru, but were having trouble keeping the ship in sight. So they sent a very small, very fast ship, The Ady Gil, to follow the Nise Maru and try to hinder it going any further. After a few tricks by the Ady Gil, it seems they have slowed down the mother ship, but have exhausted their fuel in the process. Now they must wait 3 days for a friendly ship to arrive and refuel them.

But as they wait around, recalling their wins and watching the other Japanese ships pass by, they realize that one of the recon ships is sailing dangerously near to them, and eventually it crashes into the Ady Gil, slicing the ship in two. The crew is fine, but now there are only two ships left in the contra fleet. Now, for some reason I can't seem to understand, in the next episode the captain of the sunken Ady Gil is going to try and board the Japanese Recon ship for what reason? We don't know, but we have to watch to find out.

What I don't get is, why? I understand the whales are important, but does one really feel the need to fight so hard for their cause that they want to put human life in danger? It would be one thing if the cause was about humans, but it's not, it's about whales. When does a cause become too ridiculous to fight for? When does retaliation become too much? When human life is at stake? Or do we have to wait until a life is actually lost? Or maybe it gets to be too much when the human emotions just can't take it anymore?

I'm not sure. I think that it's much more complicated than that, but right now I think I'm done with this post. Sometimes, a cause is just too much to fight for. The question is, what cause is worth going through hell to fight?

I. Prelude

I am a musician. Well, in the lightest sense of the word. I play the bass guitar, and I have been for about two and a half years now, and yet as long as I've been playing it, I'm not all that good. That is because I just don't practice enough. I've always liked the bass guitar, and I've always thought it was an interesting instrument. It sure is an important one. If the drums are like the heart beat of a song, the bass is the lungs. You just can't keep a song alive for very long without some sort of bass sounding instrument. I've also loved how easy the bass is to pick up and play. Once you figure out the basics, anyone can do it, even though it takes years and years of practice to really get good at it. I'm proud to play the bass guitar. I enjoy slappin' da bass! I think I've never seen the bass as a good solo instrument, even though it can be.

But over the past year I've become really interested in other instruments and genres. I really want to learn the piano, and I signed up to take it in my senior year, but they didn't give me the class, which really made me sad. I think the piano is a beautiful instrument, and it would be awesome to learn how to play it.

I've also been bugging my parents to go take me to see the San Francisco Symphony. I love orchestras and symphonies, and I would be just giddy to go actually see a professional one. I really like violins, but I am totally amazed by the cello. To me, the cello is probably the most beautiful instrument that has ever been created by man. The sound of it just cuts through the air like a knife, yet at the same time it's soothing and allows you to enjoy the euphoria it gives off.

Another instrument I've really been wanting to play lately is the harmonica. I was watching a certain comedian play his guitar, the harmonica, and tell his jokes all at the same time, and even though his jokes were funny, I found myself focusing on how good the harmonica sounded. I'd really like to buy one. They aren't that expensive, so maybe soon? In the meantime I'll just sit here plucking away on my bass guitar. Ohhhh, yeah.

Cricket, cricket...

I've had a very fun last couple of days and I have loved it. It's so good to be able to have a good time with people you love. But not that I have nothing to do, I'm bored out of my mind. I sit around at home thinking of things to do, and anything that pops into my head I either can't do for whatever reason, or it doesn't interest me.

I've been wanting to write a lot lately. Wanting meaning that I want the have the ability to write whenever I feel like writing. But I can't seem to do that. When I try to write, nothing creative comes out. But when I'm doing something, all of a sudden a spark happens and I sit there and write for hours. It frustrates me, because I really want to move along with what I'm working on, but I just can't seem to do it.

Well, hopefully I find something to do, because I hate whining like this

A bad workman always blames his tools.

A lot has been going on in the world lately. Hurricanes, Tsunamis, Earthquakes, riots, and oil spills; you name it, we got it. Although, I've noticed something that should've been, and probably has been, realized from the instant time began.

As humans, we have this knack of always finding someone to blame. Blame is an interesting concept. When we are angry or upset with something or someone, we think of a reason why it wasn't our fault. A reason why we shouldn't be the ones who are required to suffer the consequences. But sometimes, we become so afraid of responsibility that we look for any possible way to get out of what we know we have to face next. So we turn on our fellow humans and place the sights of judgement on them. If you think about it, it's really a very savage way to live.

I recently saw a Facebook post about a petition to blame the BP oil company for the damage done to wildlife around the Gulf. I mean, it makes a lot of sense. What did the animals do to deserve being covered in oil and suffocated from the "black gold" in their lungs? And it's very true, BP has not made the best decisions on stopping this oil from spreading, but do they deserve to be charged with Criminal Animal Cruelty? There's a key word there that I'm focusing on: Criminal. In order for an act to be criminal, it has to be either planned out or done with the utmost ignorance one can possibly scrounge up. I don't think BP planned to cause this oil spill and kill the animals, and I also don't believe that they are ignorant enough to think that this issue isn't affecting the wildlife, therefore I don't think BP has committed Criminal Animal Cruelty.

Now I know there are two sides to every story, and although this oil spill was unintentional, BP still needs to accept the consequences. That being said, I think they should repay what damage has been done directly because of them, not because of how chemicals and nature works.

I'm sure you've all heard of the things going on down at Bart and in Oakland lately, so I don't really think I need to go into them. Apparently, what happened was a accident. According to the Bart cop, he didn't mean to shoot the man, he only meant to pull out his taser. Maybe this is true, maybe not, but either way, he should take responsibility for it. The people involved in the riots were angry over the sentence for that same cop. You can be angry, that's completely fine. But don't just take the actions of the cop into consideration. The young man who was killed had just been in a fight at the Bart station, and therefore because of his actions, the Bart cop acted the way he did. Not all of the blame should be put on the cop.

Wow, this was a long post, but basically what I'm trying to say is that although we will never stop our behaviors, the way most of us act to situations is sad. Well, that was a nice little rant. :) I've had a really good day today, and as tired as I am, and as pissed off as I seemed to be earlier, today was a good day.

I'm heading home. Yeah, but I'm not so sure that home is a place you can still get to by train.

Last night was a bros' night. Basically two of my best friends and I just listening to music, eating food, playing video games, and joking around until 3 in the morning. Usually, it is just that, but of course last night was different. It was the only bros' night where we actually had a challenge going on. Mitchell was going to try and beat the whole Halo 2 game before Ranbir and I could figure out how two beat 3 separate Special Operations missions on Modern Warfare 2. Well, Ranbir and I were getting killed, so we decided to look up a little "help" on the internet. Now that I think of it, it was completely cheating and we didn't play fair at all, but that didn't matter, because just when we had finished the second Spec Op, Ranbir got a call from his mom saying that their neighbor, who is a cop, saw two girls in a white honda writing stuff on one of our cars.

Well, considering that I drove Mitch to Ranbir's, and Ranbir's car was in his garage, it was obvious that mine was the victim. We ran outside to see what was up and found that someone had written "I heart Miley Cyrus" and various song names and lyrics all over the windows of my car. At first I had my doubts of who it could be, but then I remember that my friend Alyssa had said she was going to do something to us tonight, but I didn't think she was serious!

So after trying to get Alyssa's car, failing, then trying to get Olivia's (the accomplice :p) car and failing, we finally got Alyssa back. We got lotion and face wash and squirted it all over her windows, then wrapped toilet paper around the car. Apparently, "apparently", she watched us do the whole thing, but I don't believe that.

Basically, even though I had to wash that stubborn paint off this morning, it was a very fun war that had commenced last night. It just goes to show you that when sometimes things don't go the way you planned, they can turn out great!